Why men won't marry you

[Rusha]

Exactly. The dodge.

No it wasn't. Quit lying. You have had three different people speak out in regards to your blatant lie.

The advice for leaving an emotionally abusive marriage to someone who asks you and you know they would listen is what?

As bad as emotional abuse is, it doesn't rise to the same level as physical abuse.

IF adultery and physical abuse are involved, my advice would be to get out.

Emotional abuse, my advice would be to seek counseling.

Different actions require different responses.

 

[1PeaceMaker]

Are you being abused in your marriage?

No.

I set that out very clearly in my hypothetical scenario question to Rusha.

 

[1PeaceMaker]

For the record, IF she were my next door neighbor and was having the stuffing beat out of her, the cops would be at her door within minutes.

As bad as emotional abuse is, it doesn't rise to the same level as physical abuse.

If you had been my friend back in the day before you were physically abused and had confided that you were being emotionally abused and felt like leaving, I would have told you to leave.

Emotional abuse is exactly the same as physical abuse. The consequences and the cause are the same and the end result is usually other forms of abuse following down the road.

IF adultery and physical abuse are involved, my advice would be to get out.

Emotional abuse, my advice would be to seek counseling.

Different actions require different responses.

That's your mistake.

Both require the same reaction. Stop the abuse or leave.

 

[bybee]

No.

I set that out very clearly in my hypothetical scenario question to Rusha.

Thank you for your response. I didn't think so but thought that I might have missed something.

 

[elohiym]

There is no commission without human procreation is my conclusion, and therefore no greater purpose and no greater work.

What I'm saying is the work is in the commission and that having kids isn't necessarily a part of that, though they're a blessing for those who have them.

The commission announces the fulfilment of the promise made to Abraham. God told Abraham to look into the sky and count the stars; those would be the number of his descendants that would inherit the gift of the Spirit. That promise cannot be fulfilled without human procreation. The commission cannot be carried out without human procreation.

The greater works are necessarily something other than the commission because Jesus participated in the commission and did those works but said those who followed him would do greater works than he did (Jn 14:12). He didn't have children.

He didn't have air conditioning either, but I don't think either are works.

Clever, but Jesus raised the dead. He claimed you would do greater works. I know children are a reward from God according to scripture. I know rewards are for works according to scripture. I know you claim to be Christian. If you are it follows that Jack is your reward for doing a work, the work of procreation. It is my position that conceiving eternal life through the act procreation is a greater work than raising a dead man.

I understand Paul to be speaking about the time of persecution he lived in.

I don't recall him putting a time limit on it, just saying it's better to marry than to burn, but beyond that, if a man is capable, better to refrain.

God created us in a way that we need to procreate. It's not possible that God believes "if a man is capable, better to refrain." God said "Be fruitful and multiply" more than once.

Paul was trying to balance the ideas of the "women being saved in childbearing" with what the Lord said about the coming persecutions and tribulation…"But woe to those who are pregnant and to those who are nursing babies in those days! But pray that your flight will not be in the winter, or on a Sabbath. For then there will be a great tribulation, such as has not occurred since the beginning of the world until now, nor ever will.…"

He would have erred to generally contradict the first command to be fruitful and multiply...

So you see that as a command instead of a declaration of the nature provided to them. I don't,

It's clearly a command, and He repeats it as a command after the flood. God even commanded other laws to ensure procreation occurred in certain situations. Onan died for violating a law like that. He was obligated to procreate and disobeyed the command.

but it's an interesting and problematic context that in today's world would rather quickly lead to mass starvation and suffering, which doesn't seem in line with God's nature.

There were stories of mass starvation and suffering in the Bible, some are explicitly described as plagues ordained by God. Those events are not attributable to overpopulation. Furthermore, depopulation, not overpopulation, is the threat the world faces. Have more kids; you'll be helping the world. :cheers:

 

[Rusha]

If you had been my friend back in the day before you were physically abused and had confided that you were being emotionally abused and felt like leaving, I would have told you to leave.

Okay.

Emotional abuse is exactly the same as physical abuse.

Oh, so you believe that a person who demeans and embarrasses their spouse is as bad as or worse than someone such as Chris Benoit who murders them? A personality flaw is the same a physical assault, including murder? You really do need to educate yourself about things you clearly have no understanding of.

The consequences and the cause are the same and the end result is usually other forms of abuse following down the road.

Give examples.

That's your mistake.

Both require the same reaction. Stop the abuse or leave.

No, it's not my mistake. Though this once again just shows you have a real difficulty understanding motivations, actions, consequences and character.

Oh ... and then there is that overall lack of honesty thing you have going.

 

[1PeaceMaker]

Okay.

And if you followed that advice, would you have endured physical abuse, cheating and death threats?

Oh, so you believe that a person who demeans and embarrasses their spouse is no worse then someone such as Chris Benoit who murders them?

Murdering someone "a little" in your heart is just as wicked as getting the chainsaw, in terms of spiritual damage done. Emotional baggage results, as well as health damage to the abused spouse. The temple of the Holy Spirit is defiled/disrespected. And that's what counts.

Jesus said he came to divide households. They are divided along the lines of Matthew 7:12.

Divorce is for hard, murderous hearts, to prevent God from losing his heritage.

A personality flaw is the same a physical assault, including murder?

If the "personality flaw" is festering hatred, then yes.

You really do need to educate yourself about things you clearly have no understanding of.

I understand plenty.

Give examples.

A man who is emotionally malicious towards his wife is hurting her. Next thing you know he's beating her physically, or stealing the kids through deception and turning them against her or forcing her to have sex.

A man who tells his wife how pathetic she is and shows no respect for her will just take what he wants, when he wants it, or he'll leave.

No, it's not my mistake. Though this once again just shows you have a real difficulty understanding motivations, actions, consequences and character.

My theory of mind may be lacking but thank God I have the Bible to tell me that someone who hates is murderer and sins on all counts, including adultery.

Oh ... and then there is that overall lack of honesty thing you have going.

Being abusive towards me is as bad as being abusive to a spouse. Based on some of the things said to me by you and others I'm led to think that in the right era and under the right circumstances, you might hang me or set me on fire for what I've said.

 

[Rusha]

Being abusive towards me is as bad as being abusive to a spouse. Based on some of the things said to me by you and others I'm led to think that in the right era and under the right circumstances, you might hang me or set me on fire for what I've said.

Oh, you poor, pathetic little martyr. She who LIES just last night and was made aware of the fact of your slanderous comments by several other members as well as a moderator is now crying "You have abused me!"

You are treated accordingly to how you treat others. Either grow up or continue to cry wolf.

 

[1PeaceMaker]

Oh, you poor, pathetic little martyr. She who LIES just last night and was made aware of the fact of your slanderous comments by several other members as well as a moderator is now crying "You have abused me!"

You are treated accordingly to how you treat others. Either grow up or continue to cry wolf.

Are you avoiding the rest of my post?

You may abuse me as much as you dare, unless God or the moderators would like to stop you. I will warn you, though, if you are malicious towards me in your heart, you will reap what you sow.

 

[Rusha]

I predict you would encourage any woman to stay in an emotionally abusive marriage if the kids were doing fine. Even if it might kill her.

Empotional abuse is a predicter for future physical violence and is a harmful type of violence itself.

Shame on you 1PM. You blatantly lied about what Rusha said. Her full response was:

Rusha knows that you will not listen to her so she knows that she is not the one to be able to help you. Rusha went on to say that she would not abandon you, she would contact a third party whom you might be more inclined to talk to to get the help you need.

You chose to take the first three words of Rusha's response and treat them as if they were the entirety of her response. You lied and you should be ashamed for doing so.

She also lied earlier and claimed Rusha spoke against God, Christianity and the bible in this thread, which also was a blatent bold faced lie, and she wouldnt come off of it and ran with it knowing it was a lie and kept repeating it.

Shes shown clearly shes nothing but a shameful liar. (shes still running with that earlier lie, in that post you quoted too, at the bottom, shes claiming Rusha called the gospel foolish and she certainly did no such thing)

There is no need for making such slanderous predictions about other users. This is a strategy that atheists usually use. Christians should not be resorting to it.

Being abusive towards me is as bad as being abusive to a spouse. Based on some of the things said to me by you and others I'm led to think that in the right era and under the right circumstances, you might hang me or set me on fire for what I've said.

Oh, you poor, pathetic little martyr. She who LIES just last night and was made aware of the fact of your slanderous comments by several other members as well as a moderator is now crying "You have abused me!"

You are treated accordingly to how you treat others. Either grow up or continue to cry wolf.

There is something wrong with you.

 

[1PeaceMaker]

There is something wrong with you.

So you are avoiding it?

You think I need to defend myself when my very own posts exonerate me?

I never claimed you brought up Sarah or the Bible, rather that I did in relation to my faith-based choice, which you mocked as being for other reasons. I've quoted the evidence in the spoiler. Did you read it? Did I perhaps misunderstand you?

My gospel is foolishness to you. Unless you care to dispute that you believe the gospel of Christ.

Hence you would not advise a woman to leave an emotionally abusive relationship; isn't that correct, or would you like to set me straight?

 

[Rusha]

Are you avoiding the rest of my post?

No, I was doing something more important. Posting your lies and the fact that you have been confronted about your lies.

You may abuse me as much as you dare, unless God or the moderators would like to stop you. I will warn you, though, if you are malicious towards me in your heart, you will reap what you sow.

I would advise you to shut up, go back and read your own posts. Any unkind words that others have said to you have been a result of your accusations, assumptions, name calling and flat out lies.

 

[Yorzhik]

Hypergamy is about class advancement. How does that advance your point? The more likely truth is that many men look for women who aren't as smart as they are as an ego boost and control mechanism.

Except that women want to be found. Hypergamy will reference any advatage whether it be social, mental, or physical, with some of those advatages being more important than others. Height is a really important one.

It's understandable for anyone to look for a successful mate. And if a woman desires children and a traditional role with them then she'll naturally want a mate who can provide well, but that's a different animal.

No, it's the same animal. Smarter men can provide better. Really, it's that simple. Sometimes the obvious is correct.

BTW, why do women openly say, "what I'm looking for is someone I know is taller than me." but they don't openly say, "what I'm looking for is someone I know is stronger than me." (even though surveys can tease out that they are actually seeking someone stronger than them)?

No, you're still wrong about that, still working from bad data. You need to bone up on the more recent studies. Women and men showed progress on that line, but women made stronger and more appreciable progress. Given the opportunity and expectation they perform as well or better than their male counterparts.


There have been tests on emotional perception and empathy, with women doing much better than men, but mostly where the data was self reported instead of measured scientifically. When measured objectively the difference was actually marginal. We process differently, but our calculators are comparable.


Except that isn't true. See: Why Women Finally Have Higher IQs than Men, Time, July 16, 2012 and/or Men, Women, and IQ: Setting the Record Straight, Psychology Today, July 20, 2012.

Both your links are to the same study. That's OK, but the study is James Flynn's and it only goes so far. It uses a small sample size. It uses kids. And Flynn has an agenda to promote because he's an avowed Marxist. So, no, there is still no data that refutes the historical and pragmatic view that men are smarter than women.

Beyond that, relationship dynamics is not emtional perception and empathy. Men might be just as good at women calculating those dynamics, but men would rather not. So it turns out people are better at thinking about things they spend a lot of time thinking about. That's why men are better at IQ tests and women are better at predicting certain social behavior.

And this is really the bottom line. Instead of trying to fit men and women into the social contstruct the State would prefer, we should let men and women do what they want without being pushed by the State. It would be better for men, women, and the culture.

Not any more. Men are waiting later. If they want to look at 29 to thirty something it would make more sense.

Men aren't waiting later. Women are; that's the whole point of having a career and being strong and independent.

Historically true, but it looks as though history is changing.

It doesn't look like it yet. We still have some history to go through before we can declare what is driven by human nature to be changing.

Well, no. I don't think that's sustainable at all, presently.

Of course it's not sustainable. With a birthrate well below replacement for some time now, it's looking more like the culture is already on borrowed time.

 

[1PeaceMaker]

No, I was doing something more important.

More important than discussing stopping and preventing abuse within marriage?

Posting your lies and the fact that you have been confronted about your lies.

Me quoting three words to sum up a verbose post is not lying, especially when I'm just saying I perceive your reaction as proving your own assertion that I agreed with.

Also, I do not perceive my post predicting you not advising leaving emotional abuse as slander. You have to read some implication into it that I don't understand. And my prediction came true, didn't it?

My prediction was made, not based on theory of mind or malice towards you, but from an understanding that you do not see emotional abuse and physical abuse as being the same problem needing the same reaction.

I would advise you to shut up, go back and read your own posts. Any unkind words that others have said to you have been a result of your accusations, assumptions, name calling and flat out lies.

What have I accused you of?

What assumptions have I made unfairly?

What name calling are you thinking of? I did call you a heathen. I know it's not PR but it's also not an insult.

You being cold is better than you being lukewarm!

And what flat-out lies?

 

[1PeaceMaker]

The advice for leaving an emotionally abusive marriage to someone who asks you... ...is what?

IF adultery and physical abuse are involved, my advice would be to get out.

Emotional abuse, my advice would be to seek counseling.

Different actions require different responses.

How is your answer different than my prediction?

I predict you would encourage any woman to stay in an emotionally abusive marriage if the kids were doing fine.

For the record, it's not a claim, it's a prediction I made about what I guessed your opinion to be based on your expression that it was physical abuse that required leaving, while seemingly overlooking emotional abuse.

I would have preferred my prediction to be mistaken. I do make plenty of mistakes. This was a chance for you to prove me wrong, plain and simple.

And to be extra clear, "any woman" means any woman that is being emotionally, and NOT physically, abused.

The big words were so you wouldn't ignore it again and again. You seem to pay attention to big words.

 

[Angel4Truth]

No, I was doing something more important. Posting your lies and the fact that you have been confronted about your lies.



I would advise you to shut up, go back and read your own posts. Any unkind words that others have said to you have been a result of your accusations, assumptions, name calling and flat out lies.

You nailed it!

 

[Angel4Truth]

What have I accused you of?

I predict you would encourage any woman to stay in an emotionally abusive marriage if the kids were doing fine. Even if it might kill her.

Empotional abuse is a predicter for future physical violence and is a harmful type of violence itself.

You are no secular champion of women. Or marriage. Or children.

Being abusive towards me is as bad as being abusive to a spouse. Based on some of the things said to me by you and others I'm led to think that in the right era and under the right circumstances, you might hang me or set me on fire for what I've said.

Shameful.

 

[1PeaceMaker]

Shameful.

Those examples are not accusations. They're speculations.

Those two words are not synonyms.

Accusation: a charge or claim that someone has done something illegal or wrong.

Speculation: the forming of a theory or conjecture without firm evidence.

 

[1PeaceMaker]

You are no secular champion of women. Or marriage. Or children.

And this statement here. It's not an accusation, it's an observation.

She's falling short of championing them until she reconsiders the true nature of emotional abuse.

 

[elohiym]

I'm the only one here who speaks out against the brutality you and your husband face here daily and I get banned for it. This speaks of.explicit approval. I don't know what happened to everyone else. Are they unaware? For those who are aware and silent....shame. Unless you are fearful of becoming an outcast as well and receiving your share of abuse???