Why don't you give us an in-depth example of what age you were when you married and how you have remained married for all these years?
Why men won't marry you
- Thread starter serpentdove
- Start date
Why don't you give us an in-depth example of what age you were when you married and how you have remained married for all these years?
Intentionally misrepresenting others does come easily for you, Dolo.
So set the record straight. How old were you and your wife when you married? How many years have you remained blissfully happy? Five? Ten? Twenty?
Have you considered writing a book or article to offer your advice?
1PeaceMaker
New member
That's what I see, too.
Of course you do. Didn't I say you would?
You and 1PM use this pseudo intellectual claim of a "hard heart" in a attempt to claim the moral high ground. It fails. You have never defined what a hard heart is. Instead you say that a hard heart causes divorce and when ever some one says they divorced because of this or that you say, see, they had hard hearts.
What are you talking about? Why are you so insistent I'm another poster? Similar ideas? No other poster since him willing to take your fascism head on? No one else willing to expose your hypocrisy and hatefulness? That's the only thing I can think of to justify your paranoia. BTW, the video was on target and it must enrage you to see your behaviour accurately portrayed by someone else. What exactly am I doing wrong in my quoting?
1PeaceMaker
New member
The standard for a hard heart is easy, CM. God gave divorce because of hardness of heart, says Jesus. Mark 10:5
Notice Jesus didn't say God gave divorce because their lifespans were on average 40 years and so the "too-young" who then would have to marry would make mistakes in partner-picking.
And God said he had the cure for a hard heart Ezekiel 36:26.
Anyone in wilful violation of Matthew 7:12 has a demonstrably hard heart.
The perfect circle. IT allows you to ignore the real reasons that marriages fail and simply say, "They had a hard heart." Many young marriages fail not because their heart is hard, they fail because their heart is immature and not ready for marriage.
You mistake explanations with justification. Don't make that mistake. There are times where divorce is the best decision to be made for both parties. Relationships can become so toxic that it leads to murder. Better to leave well before that happens. Divorce is allowed by God. Remarriage is a much deicer discussion.
1PeaceMaker
New member
Would you say that those 70% are the kind of people that let God pick for them and pray and study before and during the picking, and take their responsibilities as a sacred charge afterwards? If not, then all you have is that more youngsters are hard hearted and foolish enough to select their own mate without God.
If you wanted to make a law to limit divorce, then instead of focusing on age, you should make a law that both partners have their own income and spending power, dropping the divorce rate down to 20% right off the top. Because divorce prevention laws should focus on the real problem, which is tension over money in marriages with the hard-hearted.
It doesn't make sense to say that about marriages like mine and it's unsupported by the Bible. What ways do you imagine young marriage has hobbled the successful marriage, since the biology of the partners is one that spans a lifetime (ever-changing) and experientially, they can have whatever experiences together that they choose during that lifetime.
How is that even possible? All adults have to go through that if they want to marry in state and under the authority of the church they belong to. Our pastor had to feel he knew us and approved of us before marriage, even though it was an out-of-state wedding we had.
I believe that God's child can get a mate, chosen by God for him at whatever age God is willing to deliver one and it will work as long as both have the hearts promised to them by God.
Godly people don't divorce. God helps older teens (like He did for me) do the thinking when it's time to marry and older people who won't submit to God's help are more doomed than the teen who picks with God's help.
Those listed reasons, if someone divorces over them, is because they have a hard heart. This advice you give helps them reduce their divorce rates.
In fact, they'd be better off (if a lonely life of no divorce is better) just trying to be happy not needing their spouses and children. The single life is the easiest for those who are hard-hearted.
Biologically speaking, the most fertile time is the one you are passing up in favor of a more pruned prefrontal cortex. God didn't say wait until the prefrontal cortex is pruned for marriage, and the reproductive aspect of us contradicts that idea as well.
People nearly always don't marry on impulse. They fall in love on impulse. Even older people fall in love like that. Then reason kicks in. It takes a long time to find out what the other person is thinking, to nurture the connection, and finally implement that first impression, and all that time can be spent thinking of the gravity of the idea.
If you were thirsty, I could hold out on you for a while and claim you didn't really need a drink of water. At least at first. The lips start cracking. I tell you it's because you are deficient in magnesium. Your tongue swells. I tell you it's because you are low in B-vits, but eventually, when you start getting deranged from dehydration, people are gonna start arguing that you are acting a little thirsty.
While I could not go on denying you have a need for water more than a day or two, you cannot go on denying you have a need for a companion for more than a decade or two before people start saying the loneliness is taking it's toll.
Either that or maybe you should consider whether you believe that God said man needed a companion to combat loneliness (this was after establishing for our education that pets wouldn't fix it) and so made him someone he needed.
Back to the immaturity claim. Poor me, all stunted.
I don't need you or any other internet strangers for validation. I have what I need already, thank you.Part of what she liked about me from the beginning was that I was happy. I made her laugh. Or, as she put it, she liked what she saw, but she loved what she heard.
So you do need her to make your life complete as God said you would. Of course you were happy before.
I was happy, too.
I can be happy when I'm starving. I can be happy when I'm in pain. I can even be a happy person when I'm lonely. But that doesn't mean I can't also cry when I'm alone and thinking about possibly living my whole life alone. And I did that when I was not invited over to be with other people after church, and I would wander around on campus counting my blessings and trying to not think about how everyone else seemed not to be passed over and invisible on what was supposed to be a happy day. I was just too small, invisible and boring to be of interest at those selective social gatherings. But they sure found many ways to use me as a volunteer when it was time to evangelize.
So yeah, I was happy, but I was suffering. It made me sad, too, when I would think about it. But I wasn't a miserable cloud, I was a smiling, mostly happy person, who was seriously thinking about the possibility of lifelong celibacy.
It's like the Biblical Hannah. When it's time for needing to have kids, it's not happy times to not have them. Anymore than singlehood is particularly a happy time, in and of itself. As a mom, my happiness is completed by the joy of children. My purpose is in them. Not in having a career to impress the world with.
They know I felt I needed them before we even tried to conceive. They know we both wanted a lot of kids. We tell them we needed them. We would not have been able to remain happy without moving on in life to the parenthood stage. It's like ignoring any other essential, God given imperative. There are consequences to not playing along.
Supra. Though by now you should be willing to retract what you obviously experienced yourself.
Or, to encapsulate, I was happy, had a good life before I ever set eyes on my wife. I was happy with my wife for years before Jack announced himself. Both added to my happiness and gave me the opportunity to return the favor.
You would not have remained happy if you had continued on without them. Imagine yourself as a single old man with no kids and no romance. Do you think God ever implied Adam could have been happy without a wife and kids?
I guess God was pretty crazy, making woman for a need. And Adam, for going along with it...
I did marry for love. I also clearly needed a companion to complete me. I told God I would never marry unless He brought me the man and the perfect man for me at that. I got all I asked for and even more than I knew to ask for.
I need to deal with the fact that I feel completed and happy with the purpose of my life? I'm addicted to my husband, is that it? Do we fix that with separation and self-discovery? :doh:
Or do we just leave alone what isn't broke?
Or perhaps it's the Asperger's syndrome you are picking up on. People tried to discourage my husband from marrying me and even told him to annul weeks after - over traits related, not to immaturity but to my Asperger's - which is incurable. I would have been celibate to this day (still too immature!!) if I was measured by their standards.
Or you are just trying to cut me down because of my unconventional perspective. :idunno:
I thought you were a friendly for a bit there, now I'm not so sure.
....
Be back later to finish...
1PeaceMaker
New member
Anyone who murders has a hard heart, no?
1PeaceMaker
New member
You now have my definition.
What is your theological disagreement? You have not poked holes in my definition. So what's wrong with what I said about hard hearts?
But that's not what your claim is about ...
That *anyone* would indicate that the spouse who was murdered had a hard heart ...
Do you see a difference between killing and murder?
You never answered the question about who your heart is hardened to, your spouse? God? Both?
1PeaceMaker
New member
If a murderer has a hard heart then his victim must have one, too? What kind of nonsense are you up to now?
In murder, the wrongdoer has a hard heart.
In marriage, the reason for divorce is one or more hard hearts. I'm not saying which one has the hard heart. Not even suggesting that the one initiating divorce has it, necessarily.
But if somebody didn't, then divorce was used for the wrong reasons.
I am responding to the self-interest and downright foolishness of your claims.
Uh huh. Nicole Brown Simpson. Divorced. Was her hard heart that cause her ex-husband to murder her?
Nancy and seven year old son, Daniel, were murdered by their husband/father Chris Benoit. Was it her *soft heart* and the soft heart of her seven year old son who caused the murder? OR ... perhaps if she had been REALLY hard hearted and left the nut job, she and her son might still be alive.
The fact is, you are making faulty generalizations in regards to why couples divorce and dismissing the fact that there are good reasons to divorce which includes the fault of ONE person VS the safety and/or well being of the rest of the family.
The realization is that these young teens who you support marrying , in most cases, are not mentally mature enough to understand that marriage is like going steady.
By far the highest murder/victim rate is found, unsurprisingly, among teens and into early twenties. It declines around twenty four. According to gov. numbers, "Young adults (18 to 24 years old) had the highest off ending rate in each racial and sex category."
Which again points to the fact that teens do not have the same experience and maturity as compared to adults in most cases ...