toldailytopic: Arranged marriage: good idea, bad idea?

[Sherman]

I have no problems with the parents helping the kid choose his or her spouse. My brother ignored my parents and he ended up with a psycho wife that left him. My sister and I listened. We are still married to our husbands. I've been married for 28 years to mine.

 

[iH82BdatHERETIC...]

This only goes to show the underlying problem in parenting, that kids are raised incapable of making a good decision apart from their parent. There are many cases in which the choices of the kid are definitely worse. I am happy for the parent arranged marriages that work out as well as the self arranged marriages that also work out, but both of these are inferior to the marriage and life one will have who themselves listens for and obeys the voice of God in that decision as well as in every way. People say, "well my parents know the will of God for me better than I do." Either shame on them, or shame on you. That may yield a better partner for the moment, but there's still a much greater problem if you can't follow the will of God for yourself.

 

[MaryContrary]

This only goes to show the underlying problem in parenting, that kids are raised incapable of making a good decision apart from their parent. There are many cases in which the choices of the kid are definitely worse. I am happy for the parent arranged marriages that work out as well as the self arranged marriages that also work out, but both of these are inferior to the marriage and life one will have who themselves listens for and obeys the voice of God in that decision as well as in every way. People say, "well my parents know the will of God for me better than I do." Either shame on them, or shame on you. That may yield a better partner for the moment, but there's still a much greater problem if you can't follow the will of God for yourself.

Absolutely agreed, except...here's the thing. There are lots of people on the earth. Lots and lots. And God has in so many ways included in our design the need for interaction with one another. Not just as mates, as we're talking about here, but in all kinds of ways. Mates, families, communities, societies, peoples...siblings, friends, teachers and students, leaders and followers...

We're very clearly designed to rely on one another. We need one another. So I wouldn't dismiss so easily including other human beings in decision making like this any more than we should dismiss other human beings in our worship of God. We are called to fellowship in worship for the same reason that I think it's good to rely on the guidance of others here.

Still, you're absolutely right to put God first and foremost in this. On that I will definitely agree.

 

[ebenz47037]

This only goes to show the underlying problem in parenting, that kids are raised incapable of making a good decision apart from their parent. There are many cases in which the choices of the kid are definitely worse. I am happy for the parent arranged marriages that work out as well as the self arranged marriages that also work out, but both of these are inferior to the marriage and life one will have who themselves listens for and obeys the voice of God in that decision as well as in every way. People say, "well my parents know the will of God for me better than I do." Either shame on them, or shame on you. That may yield a better partner for the moment, but there's still a much greater problem if you can't follow the will of God for yourself.

It's not a matter of the parents knowing the will of God for their child/ren better than the child/ren. It's a matter of the parents knowing their child/ren. My mother didn't arrange my marriage to my late husband. But, she introduced us, knowing that he was the kind of man I wanted to be married to. Although we were only married six years when he passed away, we never fought and were already planning our "golden years." I was only thirty and he was thirty-nine. I'm doing the same thing with my daughter. I've had a long talk with her boyfriend and know that he would treat her well. He and I don't agree theologically. But, my daughter and I don't agree theologically either. If they decided to marry, I would love it. And, my daughter would have one hurdle out of her way because I like him. She would never hear me complaining about how she married the wrong man. And, he wants to take care of his wife and future children, which is more than a lot of young men can say today.

 

[MaryContrary]

It's not a matter of the parents knowing the will of God for their child/ren better than the child/ren. It's a matter of the parents knowing their child/ren. My mother didn't arrange my marriage to my late husband. But, she introduced us, knowing that he was the kind of man I wanted to be married to. Although we were only married six years when he passed away, we never fought and were already planning our "golden years." I was only thirty and he was thirty-nine. I'm doing the same thing with my daughter. I've had a long talk with her boyfriend and know that he would treat her well. He and I don't agree theologically. But, my daughter and I don't agree theologically either. If they decided to marry, I would love it. And, my daughter would have one hurdle out of her way because I like him. She would never hear me complaining about how she married the wrong man. And, he wants to take care of his wife and future children, which is more than a lot of young men can say today.

Did you know I'm kinda shooting myself in the foot with my position on this? Maw-in-law did not approve. :chuckle:

Oh, she loved me bunches. And we got along great. We'd talk for hours sometimes and stuff.

Married to her son, though?

Yeah, that did not go over well...at all...

 

[Lighthouse]

I think it's a good idea, but I'm not sure either of my parents know me well enough to do it. Maybe I should have my TOL friends find me someone.

 

[ebenz47037]

Did you know I'm kinda shooting myself in the foot with my position on this? Maw-in-law did not approve. :chuckle:

Oh, she loved me bunches. And we got along great. We'd talk for hours sometimes and stuff.

Married to her son, though?

Yeah, that did not go over well...at all...

:chuckle: I know what you mean, kind of. My mom didn't like my first husband, after she met him. I didn't introduce them before we got married. You know how they say hindsight is 20/20? Perfect example there.

But, I don't know if I would trust my mom's judgment now. Most of the men that are the right age for me that she knows are alcoholics. And, there's no way I would ever trust my sisters' judgment of men.

 

[Ktoyou]

:doh: Arranged?

Remember, the family that prays together, stays together.