toldailytopic: Arranged marriage: good idea, bad idea?

[Dena]

Both. It can go well or it can go horribly wrong. When I was in college I did an anthropology project on arranged marriage. One of my professors invited me to her home and also took me to the home of her friends. I met three couples from different generations who had arranged marriage.

The first two had never met at all before their wedding ceremony. The second couple (my professor and her husband) had known each other but their parents set up the match and they agreed. The third couple were in their 20's. Their family members sought out potential matches and gave them pictures and info. They could veto anyone for any reason. They ended up choosing each other. All three couples were very much in love. The oldest couple who had never met had been married at least 40 years and you would never know they hadn't chosen one another. I interviewed them together and I have no doubt they have a genuine love and friendship. It was very sweet.

So I think it can go well as long as the family is respectful and considers the needs of the couple. I was also told stories of how wrong it can go and the same you have to live with if you actually get divorced. Of course, not to mention the women who are no doubt murdered because they chose to leave but that isn't an arranged marriage issue that is a morality issue.

I guess I should mention all three of the couples were Indian and Hindu.

 

[MrRadish]

There are many marriages arranged by parents that are excellent and lasting and happy. There are also plenty of marriages in which the parents had no say that have gone horribly wrong. Overall, however, I think that it's more moral, more realistic and more respectful of individual freedom if people choose who to marry themselves. That's not to say their parents and friends can't give them advice, of course, but I think it's quite important that the decision is made by the couple alone.

And to all those people in this thread saying that parents are likely to have better judgement than children - why would children be getting married, or even having their marriages planned for them at that age?

 

[Traditio]

You want to be matched up with a red-headed Australian? :freak:

I was referring to Spitfire. :listen:

 

[Quincy]

No thanks, in my situation anyways. I don't trust my dad to drive my vehicle, let alone choose my spouse. If your dad is some kind of moral paragon and wise, more power to you but consider yourself lucky, not everyone's parent is capable of better judgement than they are.

 

[some other dude]

I was referring to Spitfire. :listen:

Oh, good.

I was afraid you meant this guy:

 

[PureX]

Arranged marriage ... hmmm ... Madonna and Tim Tebow. Oh no! Wait! Madonna and Billy Bob Thornton. They could honeymoon in Bizarro World.

Arnold Swarzenegger and ... Roseanne Barr. Roseanne says: "Pump me UP, Bigboy!"

Hey, I'm good at this!

 

[Lon]

I like the idea when it works, and probably feel the hate for it when it has gone wrong for the unfortunate couple.

At best, it can bind a family together tightly, parents having to know their kids and enjoying that. Another family tying in with them with their own child, and an idea that love is not a 'feeling' as much as it is a commitment. I generally find we are a fairly fickle creation, able to 'feel' in love with about anybody really.

At the worst: politics, power, status. These wouldn't be elements for a sound arrangement. It has been the problem for unfaithful royals through history. If you can't divorce them, you just execute them on trumped up charges. What was wife 3 and on thinking !? :doh:

 

[MaryContrary]

Arranged marriage + courting, FTW! :thumb:

 

[ebenz47037]

In most cases, I like the idea of arranged marriages. It's obvious from Rusha's arguments that she and I have different ideas of arranged marriages. In my opinion, arranged marriages do not involve the parents forcing their children to marry. The parents suggest a potential mate for their child, since they're likely the people who know their child the best and what he/she is like. The young couple meet and get to know each other and decide whether they should marry or not. Right now, I'm encouraging my daughter to marry a young man that I know would treat her like a treasure. I know his parents. At least, if my daughter marries this man, she would have a husband who treats her well and she would know that her mother loves him.

 

[Rusha]

In most cases, I like the idea of arranged marriages. It's obvious from Rusha's arguments that she and I have different ideas of arranged marriages. In my opinion, arranged marriages do not involve the parents forcing their children to marry. The parents suggest a potential mate for their child, since they're likely the people who know their child the best and what he/she is like. The young couple meet and get to know each other and decide whether they should marry or not. Right now, I'm encouraging my daughter to marry a young man that I know would treat her like a treasure. I know his parents. At least, if my daughter marries this man, she would have a husband who treats her well and she would know that her mother loves him.

Per your explanation, I have no problem with this Nori. I was speaking primarily of *forced* marriages.

 

[Stripe]

I was speaking primarily of *forced* marriages.

When the daily topic is "Forced marriages" feel free to elicit our support for your opinion.

In the meantime...

 

[Rusha]

When the daily topic is "Forced marriages" feel free to elicit our support for your opinion.

In the meantime...

Thank you, Nori ... oh wait, that's right, you are not ... so therefore, I am free to disregard your irrelevant opinion as always.

 

[Stripe]

Like you've been ignoring me throughout this thread? :chuckle:

 

[Psalmist]

toldailytopic: Arranged marriage: good idea, bad idea?​

If it had been an arranged marriage situation when we got married (Mrs Psalmist and me) it would not have happened, some Mrs Psalmist side of the family didn't like me, we got married anyway and that was almost 50 years ago.​

 

[Totton Linnet]

I do believe in arranged marriages BUT western society has not developed along those lines, it is unworkable.

But Christian parents can be canny

And sort of direct their children [with prior planning with prospective inlaws] towards their desired choice.

Believe me this, I know what I am talking about when I say the human female is not created by God to continue into late teens and twenties as virgins...it is against all nature, of course America treats young people as minors longer than any other nation.

The cause of the "meat market" [how many of you know what I mean?] is the UNnatural society we have.

 

[Totton Linnet]

toldailytopic: Arranged marriage: good idea, bad idea?​

If it had been an arranged marriage situation when we got married (Mrs Psalmist and me) it would not have happened, some Mrs Psalmist side of the family didn't like me, we got married anyway and that was almost 50 years ago.​

*
God arranged it....perfect

 

[Stripe]

toldailytopic: Arranged marriage: good idea, bad idea?​

If it had been an arranged marriage situation when we got married (Mrs Psalmist and me) it would not have happened, some Mrs Psalmist side of the family didn't like me, we got married anyway and that was almost 50 years ago.​

:shocked:

Did they warm to you?

Like we all have?

 

[Nick M]

Per your explanation, I have no problem with this Nori. I was speaking primarily of *forced* marriages.

That is called something else.

Thank you, Nori ... oh wait, that's right, you are not ... so therefore, I am free to disregard your irrelevant opinion as always.

So loving, caring, and full of wisdom. lain:

 

[iH82BdatHERETIC...]

It makes me sick to think of how the parents of two or more families of similar ideals/ideologies promote their kids marrying each other. I've experienced this sort of tactic by close minded and controlling [religious] families, and it's perverted. It's very often based on the ideological approval of the parents, and another attempt to fence their kids in for life ideologically. Length of Marriage does not always indicate
the success of a relationship. Length of marriage defeats the purpose if it's not the partner's original decision to love or respect that person...and I know very well of a marriage relationship that was committed yet lifelong emotionally abusive. (not arranged, just lengthy). Also consider Bill Clinton.

Consider how many relationships are abusively dysfunctional that stop just short of divorce, perhaps because a person still believes even though they did not make that choice that they were meant to be together. Satan will seek to form and maintain dysfunctional relationships through whatever means possible.

Now that isn't to say all parents are like that. I would want my daughter to marry a strong man who loved God with all his heart (even if his doctrine differed), and I would advise her against any man that didn't love God or that would mistreat her. And I would want my son to marry a woman beautiful in every way. In both cases, though, the need for God to direct their lives is a priori, and it's a decision that needs to be made completely between them and God. After all, it's God who knows his own perfect will for their life, and it's a serious failure as a parent not to raise them to know that better than I do. So personally I want God to plant that idea. They live with it for life. They may have that marriage even after I'm dead. One does not simply match make with the will of God.

 

[Yorzhik]

Yes. My parents would have chosen better than I did.