Concerning the question, "Did Christ Die for everyone, or just some?'
I remember when I surrendered myself to God, I truly believed that a miracle had taken place, and that I had been born again! That God was present in my life and that He loved me, and I sensed His invisible presence, around me and others.
Within a few months time I was despondent and quaking in fear that I was not truly saved, because of what I was reading in the Bible about two topics; Election and the unpardonable sin. One of my new friends in my new Church was a devote Calvinist, who was the most confident person, in his own salvation, that I had ever met. To him it was the greatest doctrine ever discovered. We have nothing to do with our own salvation. God decided who he was going to save, before he created a single one of us. Therefore there was nothing we could do to gain it, and more importantly to him; absolutely nothing he could do to lose it. He had not a care, or a worry in the world. He was absolutely bulletproof and fearless.
I, on the other hand, took the contrary position. If God chose who was going to be saved, and, what if he did not choose me, then there is absolutely, positively, and eternally, nothing I could do to change His mind, and get Him to save me. And I definitely still needed to be saved, because...........
I had discovered this dreadful verse that said..."he who speaks a word against the Son of Man, it will be forgiven him, but he who blasphemes against the Holy Spirit it will not be forgiven him, either in this age, or in the age to come."
Several years earlier I had done exactly that. When the woman I had planned to marry, confessed she cheated on me, and denied ever having "really" loved me. I snapped. That night in a rage, I cursed her, myself, and all three members of the trinity, with vile words, and oaths. I wanted to die. I wanted to be destroyed. I wanted to destroy God, with my words.
Putting together what I had done, on that night years ago, with this new knowledge that God chooses the elect, I was certain there was no way that I could possibly be one of them, because of what that verse says. An elect person could never commit the unpardonable sin, and blaspheme the Holy Spirit, and I already had. There was no way out of it!
No one could console me. Not my pastor, not my wife, certainly not this friend, or any other friend.
But, this is how I survived almost committing suicide, from my position of hopelessness.
I reasoned with God in this way. Dear Father, if I am not one of the elect, and you do indeed hate me, as Esau was hated by you; I will not take my life, but you who create life and can cause death, you can take my life whenever you see fit. Therefore I leave my life, and my death, in your hands, and not mine. It is not my right to take my own life, it is yours, if you so choose..........Father, I believe I have committed a sin which you in your own Word, say that you will never forgive. My pastor assures me that I am wrong in my understanding. Whether he, or I, am right, I simply ask you to forgive me of this sin, as you have forgiven me of all others. Your forgiveness and your mercy is my only hope. If you spare my life, I will live on, in the hope of your future forgiveness and your mercy.
Just as the prophet said to Ninevah, " Forty days and Ninevah shall be destroyed " The king reasoned what have we got to lose by repenting, perhaps he will yet forgive us, and the word of the Lord will not come to pass. So did I repent of my blasphemy, and asked forgiveness for the unpardonable sin, and my lack of being one of the elect. After all, what did I possibly have to lose???
I write this long testimony tonight, to give faith and boldness to anyone who may be a new believer and reading this thread, which states that Christ's death and God's forgiveness is not for everyone.
Fear not, even if that lie, were true, throw yourself upon the mercy of God, for He is gracious and far more merciful than anyone on this forum, or even in this whole world, can possibly realize and understand.
I am still here, 24 years later, and understand God much better now than I did then, and much better than my friend did.
