Abuse or discipline?
- Thread starter Yves21
- Start date
Discipline.
Mr. 5020
New member
Agreed.
For no reason?
Not enough information - could be either depending on several things.
This Charming Manc
Well-known member
yep depends how its done
I agree with most of the people on this topic. Spanking can be either discipline or abuse, depending on how it is done.
annabenedetti
like marbles on glass
When an adult raises his hand and arm and brings it down on a child with the intention to cause him pain, it's abuse.
When a child cringes in fear or hides because he knows the belt, switch or wooden spoon is coming, that child is abused - both mentally and physically.
Parents are very subjective in how they view spanking because there are so many gray areas. Some parents say spanking with only an open hand is okay, some say they never slap the face, some only use an object and never their hand because the object separates/distances the parent from the action. Some let their child pick out the belt or cut their own switch....and there are those who think spanking is okay as long as you don't leave a mark.
lain:
All of this doesn't change the underlying reality that a large adult is striking a small child "in love."
The only exceptions I'd make to the above is any action needed to push a child away from imminent physical danger, and the light "helping along" that's not intended by the parent or understood by the child to be a spanking.
When a child cringes in fear or hides because he knows the belt, switch or wooden spoon is coming, that child is abused - both mentally and physically.
Parents are very subjective in how they view spanking because there are so many gray areas. Some parents say spanking with only an open hand is okay, some say they never slap the face, some only use an object and never their hand because the object separates/distances the parent from the action. Some let their child pick out the belt or cut their own switch....and there are those who think spanking is okay as long as you don't leave a mark.
lain:All of this doesn't change the underlying reality that a large adult is striking a small child "in love."
The only exceptions I'd make to the above is any action needed to push a child away from imminent physical danger, and the light "helping along" that's not intended by the parent or understood by the child to be a spanking.
When a child cringes in fear or hides because they know they're going to be punished for something they did, knowing that it was wrong - that's abuse? :freak:
I beg to differ.
When I choose to drink a bottle of scotch and roar down the back roads at ninety miles an hour knocking over mailboxes for the sheer fun of it, am I "abused" when the cop pulls me over and approaches the car?
Depends. It should never be done in anger.
It depends on the mood of the parent. I have written much on this, pre-verbal children respond to mild, well controlled punishment. When you hit a child in anger, you are not helping to change the undesirable behaviour, you are teaching that a way to cope is to hit.
Modern psychologists believe parents are incapable of knowing the difference.
Modern psychologists believe parents are incapable of knowing the difference.
You should be spanked for not posting this on the proper thread
That's what I was going to say. Whenever I got mad at :jessilu:, I would make her go to her room until I calmed down. Then, I would talk to her about what she did and ask her what she would rather her punishment be for the offense. She always said, "A spanking because it's over with." She really hated when I would ground her or take something away from her.
Thunder's Muse
Well-known member
Like most of you, I think it depends on the situation etc.
When my children were little, if they were about to do something dangerous, like put something in an electricity socket, then yes, I would give a spank on the bum, through the nappy, as a way of snapping them to attention, then I would say "no", so they would (after repetition) get the message not to play with such things.
However, I also found that after a certain age, the spanking doesn't work anymore and they need more verbal information/explanations as to why they shouldn't do something.
I also agree that a spanking should never be given out of anger.
When my children were little, if they were about to do something dangerous, like put something in an electricity socket, then yes, I would give a spank on the bum, through the nappy, as a way of snapping them to attention, then I would say "no", so they would (after repetition) get the message not to play with such things.
However, I also found that after a certain age, the spanking doesn't work anymore and they need more verbal information/explanations as to why they shouldn't do something.
I also agree that a spanking should never be given out of anger.
Thunder's Muse
Well-known member
In addition...I was spanked as a child, even as I got older (my Mum would do the syllable spank :chuckle: ). At the time, I hated it but now that I am older, I saw that most of the time, I really was a little poo-poo-head who rightly deserved to be put in my place :chuckle:
annabenedetti
like marbles on glass
You don't think so? You think it's a good thing for a child to cringe or hide because he knows he's going to be hit?
That has no relation to the subject at hand whatsoever.
I think it's a good thing for a child to fear punishment for wrongdoing.
I'm sorry you don't see the relevance.
When I deliberately misbehave (break the law) while driving, I expect consequences. I fear them. I try to avoid them. I hide from them.
But I would not describe that as the law abusing me.
annabenedetti
like marbles on glass
Punishment? You've jumped boats midstream.
Keep the terminology where it was and then say it:
"I think it's a good thing for a child to fear being hit for wrongdoing."
Still think that's a good thing?
If I thought the cop was going to haul out his baton and hit me repeatedly with it, I'd be pretty terrified.
Is that likely to happen when he pulls me over? No.
Sure.
Hitting (or spanking, to bring it back to the original discussion and not trade our canoes for bass boats) is the punishment.
It might be preferable to the legal sanctions you'd face for driving the way I described. :idunno: