I am very sorry Nameless, that today you have to live of blessed memories to be reminded of the Truth. What
for Heaven's sake happened that you have chosen to become an outsider? I hope you are aware that Jesus was a Jew whose Faith was Judaism and whose gospel was the Tanach. While alive, every time Jesus referred to the Word of God he had the Tanach in mind. The NT Jesus never even dreamed would ever rise. So, what reason influenced you to leave the gospel of Jesus for the gospel of Paul? Was it something that you could share with me today?
Ben,
Thank you. I failed God daily, and I hated myself for it.
I cherished my memories of family and celebrations, but before God, my heart was broken.
I read the Psalms almost daily for comfort, and quoted that I needed deliverance from myself.
One day when studying Paul and his words of I do what I do not want to do, I broke down and cried.
I was reminded of all the times Eloh-m said He alone would deliver us.
I cast myself aside and asked Jesus to fix me.
He has indeed answered that prayer, but when I am honest with myself about my many failures, I found peace in the message that God is Magnificently Mighty and yet walked amongst us as a humble King, though He was expected to be a conqueror of Kings for Israel and its people.
I was led to realize that only God is perfect, and I felt even worse for the judgment I had cast on God when I was a follower and doer of the Law.
I didn't look at people as equals, and even when I denied the existence of God I still secretly clung to the judgments of the law.
I had many bad experiences occur in my life that I apologize for not listing, but they are in the past, and I must keep them there.
I missed God and wanted to be held in His arms so badly, when I remembered that Adam was alone, and God saw that it was not good for man to be alone.
I wondered if God desired our companionship as much as we desire His. This led me to search deeper. I searched for the God that placed His glory to be amongst His children of Israel.
I had much of the Torah and writings of the prophets burned into my heart because of my childhood, and started to remember verses that pointed to a bigger plan.
Judaism seemed too small for Gods Love. I remembered that he decreed Mercy instead of sacrifice, and thirsted to find that in scripture.
When I got my first 66 book Christian bible, I searched to see if God had indeed walked amongst us, then I started to pair prophetic scripture of the Tanakh with the New Testament of the disciples / followers and of course filthy old Paul.
I found Israel constantly under attack, and even disgraced as it carried the derivative name of Philistine, as Palestine. I also noted that it had returned and that the same people and lands that had threatened it are still threatening it under a unified religion that seeks to eradicate the Jews.
This was too much to bear. But I continued all studies and many other pursuits, until I finally couldn't reject that the mercy of Jesus and the act of physically walking amongst us was indeed an act that God was capable of, and even fit His promise to lead us as God with us.
Now I have spiritual peace inside, and with all mankind. This is why I have come to be as I am.