The instructional vid was on practicing martial arts.. it was talking about mental exercises.. and it got specific about picturing elements of my past in a way I hadn't expected at all.
The magazine is an old nature oriented one.. that I've skimmed through several times, never running across this article with her last name in bold print at the top.
I'm obviously not at peace regarding her.. I've thought about doing Internet searches related to grieving.. I often feel I can't approach someone in person about this, because we weren't married, so I can't talk about my "dead wife." And if the other person starts referring to her being my "girlfriend" I just freeze up inside, like I have to defend my feelings being justified.
You need to be in a good bible believing church.
See:
House of God by Darrell Ferguson
O Love that wilt not let me go,
I rest my weary soul in thee;
I give thee back the life I owe,
That in thine ocean depths its flow
May richer, fuller be.
O light that foll’west all my way,
I yield my flick’ring torch to thee;
My heart restores its borrowed ray,
That in thy sunshine’s blaze its day
May brighter, fairer be.
O Joy that seekest me through pain,
I cannot close my heart to thee;
I trace the rainbow through the rain,
And feel the promise is not vain,
That morn shall tearless be.
O Cross that liftest up my head,
I dare not ask to fly from thee;
I lay in dust life’s glory dead,
And from the ground there blossoms red
Life that shall endless be. George Mattheson Jer 31:3
