Be Disruptive! Insult A State!
- Thread starter resodko
- Start date
2 Québecois businessmen in Trois-Rivières were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up. One said to the other, 'I bet any minute now some idiot tourist is going to walk by, put his face to the window, & ask what we're selling.' No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious Newfie walked to the window, had a peek, & in a thick Newfie accent asked 'What might ye be sellin' here?' One of the men replied sarcastically, 'We're selling morons.'
Without skipping a beat, the Newfie said, 'Yer doing well, b'y...only two left!'
An older man in the Maritimes calls his son on the West Coast and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing - thirty-five years of misery is enough." "Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams. "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the older man says. We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Toronto and tell her," and he hangs up. Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this." She calls her father immediately, and screams at him, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.
The older man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife.
"Okay," he says, "They're coming for Christmas and paying their own fares. Now what do we tell them for next Christmas?
Without skipping a beat, the Newfie said, 'Yer doing well, b'y...only two left!'
An older man in the Maritimes calls his son on the West Coast and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing - thirty-five years of misery is enough." "Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams. "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the older man says. We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Toronto and tell her," and he hangs up. Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this." She calls her father immediately, and screams at him, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.
The older man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife.
"Okay," he says, "They're coming for Christmas and paying their own fares. Now what do we tell them for next Christmas?
One Ugly Christian
New member
How do you sink a boat made in California?
Put it in water.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VEozrbzQKQg
Put it in water.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VEozrbzQKQg
You Might Be From New York If...
You say "the city" and expect everyone to know that this means Manhattan.
You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building.
The subway makes sense to you, and the subway should never be called anything like the Metro.
Your door has more than three locks and is made of steel.
You think Central Park is "nature."
You pay more each month to park your car than most people in the US pay on their mortgage.
You haven't seen more than 12 stars in the night sky since you went away to camp as a kid.
You pay $5 without blinking for a beer that cost the bar 28 cents.
You have 27 different take-out menus next to your tele- phone.
Going to Brooklyn is considered a "road trip." Of course, you only go there to attend weddings or funerals.
America west of the Hudson is still theoretical to you.
You have jaywalking down to an art form. You're born with it.
You take a taxi to get to your health club to exercise.
You don't hear sirens anymore.
You live in a building with a larger population than most American towns.
You say "the city" and expect everyone to know that this means Manhattan.
You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building.
The subway makes sense to you, and the subway should never be called anything like the Metro.
Your door has more than three locks and is made of steel.
You think Central Park is "nature."
You pay more each month to park your car than most people in the US pay on their mortgage.
You haven't seen more than 12 stars in the night sky since you went away to camp as a kid.
You pay $5 without blinking for a beer that cost the bar 28 cents.
You have 27 different take-out menus next to your tele- phone.
Going to Brooklyn is considered a "road trip." Of course, you only go there to attend weddings or funerals.
America west of the Hudson is still theoretical to you.
You have jaywalking down to an art form. You're born with it.
You take a taxi to get to your health club to exercise.
You don't hear sirens anymore.
You live in a building with a larger population than most American towns.
You know you're living in the Deep South when...
You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
"ya'll" is singular and "all ya'll" is plural.
After five years you still hear, "Ya ain't from 'round here, are ya?"
"He needed killin'" is a valid defense.
Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, etc.
You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
"ya'll" is singular and "all ya'll" is plural.
After five years you still hear, "Ya ain't from 'round here, are ya?"
"He needed killin'" is a valid defense.
Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, etc.