Originally posted by frugalmom
Actually, I was hoping some of the DBC people might have some info on why he sells that book. I know that some of them post here. If he doesn't endorse the writing in the book then why does he sell it? I mean, he only sells a few books, so I assume he is familiar with the few books he sells.
I had thought about sending him a PM - I don't think he visits here that much though. I don't think calling him would be a good idea.
Assuming he endorses the book he sells, first of all, he would never convince me that it's OK to spank a baby/child who doesn't even understand why it is being spanked. He would never convince me that it's OK to set up "training sessions" and "booty camp" for babies, where you purposely put a desirable object in the child's reach so you can then swat it when it tries to touch it. He would never convince me that it's OK to let a newborn cry just to try and prove to it that crying (which is their ONLY way of communication) is counterproductive. A newborn or an infant are not capable of understanding these things. They know they are hungry or need a clean diaper, and it's the parent's job to be there to take care of them, not to abandon them. And if he doesn't endorse it, then he shouldn't sell it. These were a few examples of the cruelty I read in the first chapter of the book.
Yes 1WAY, I did say there was a link where you can read it. Here it is.
http://www.nogreaterjoy.org/index.php?id=11 There's a place toward the bottom you can click on to view it PDF.
Look, I know that this book is a bit over the edge (at least in my view) but you are reading things into this book that simply are not there.
The fact of the matter is that babies, even newborn babies react to both positive and negative stimuli. And very, very young babies can learn what the word 'no' means if given a pain response to reinforce it.
That doesn't mean you beat the child for crying out loud! It simply means you swat the child’s hand hard enough for it to be unpleasant when you say 'no'. If you do that for about a day or maybe two consistently then you pretty much don't have to do it any more.
When my first born was just beginning to crawl, we blanket trained her. And yes I mean
trained her. We set her on a blanket and set up situations that would make her want to get off the blanket and the moment her hand left the blanket we calmly said 'no' and swatted her hand. It took maybe three days and from that point on we could take her anywhere and it didn't matter who was there or what distraction came along to tempt her away from her blanket. We knew that she would stay on that blanket pretty much no matter what. We didn't have to worry about her pulling the drapes down or knocking over the nick-knacks on her grandmother's table. We didn't have to worry about her getting into something that might harm her or wandering off to some unknown place where we didn't know where she was. It completely relieved a mountain of stress that many, if not most parents have to deal with every single day. I didn't have to be saying "No, Tara" five hundred times a day and she didn't have to be miserable because she was constantly in trouble all the time. She stayed on her blanket and played and had a grand ol' time, laughing and giggling like an infant should. She was and still is to this day, the joy of what ever house hold she happens to be in. All because I and her mother were not afraid to cause her a little bit of pain in order that she learn to obey Mommy and Daddy.
You seem to have some big problem with setting up training sessions with your child as if it is just some excuse that parents like myself use to get to beat on our children or something. It's not that at all. Life will train your child if you don't, which do you think will be the more loving and tender? If you will set up situations in the safety of your own home where the child innately knows that it is loved and protected then not only will the child learn more quickly and completely but then you will not have to be attempting to teach your child a lesson while in the middle of the grocery store, which is embarrassing for you and much less effective for the child because I don't care how young they are, if they detect that they get their way at the grocery store because your too embarrassed to really do anything about it then you are going to LOVE buying groceries from now on!
Now, I happen to agree that this book does go a little far in some of the things they recommend, especially with of few of the things they do with toddlers but what they have to say about training infants is, frankly, the most effective are loving way to train up a child. Anything less is stressful to the max for the parent and down right harmful to the child. You might find it distasteful but I would wager that it is because you have read one too many parenting magazines and graduated from public school where anything Godly is belittled and shunned to the utmost. Not that your stupid or anything like that. I graduated from public school myself. It’s just that it occurs to me that your reaction is most likely born out of our culture more than anything else. A hundred years ago, this book would not even have raised an eyebrow. Everyone who read it would have just said, "Well, no duh! Isn't this the way everyone raises their kids?" Used to be, when a kid got a spanking, he remembered it for more than half an hour. Used to be that if a kid got a spanking, he didn’t need to get another one for a good long while, if ever. I would venture to say that if you raised you kids the way that the Pearl's recommend, that you would spank you kids about 1/10 as much as anyone else on your block and you would yell at them 1/1000 as much. Sounds pretty darn good to me.
I really strongly urge you to just call him! Call 1-888-8ENYART. Most likely his Mom will answer the phone, who, by the way, is just simply a wonderful lady to talk to. Ask her about it, she’ll tell ya. Or just tell that this is really bugging you and you would very much like to talk to Bob about it. I promise you that he’ll happily talk with you about it, on or off the air. Bob is simply the most gracious man I know. If you call him you will not be sorry you did.
Resting in Him,
Clete