What is forgiveness?
I'm not sure forgiveness comes in degrees. I think for the most part, we forgive or we don't. And it's not just about self-respect, I think it's also about autonomy.
When we hold onto resentments against other people, those other people 'own us', in a way. (This is true of the offender as well and the offended, though for the offender it's guilt that holds them, rather than resentment.) They own our mental and emotional energy so long as we retain that resentment. But when we forgive them, we let go of that resentment, and in so doing we get our mental and emotional energy back, to apply as we please (hopefully to more positive pursuits). So it's not just about regaining our self-respect, it's also about regaining our autonomy, and self-determination. And hopefully, increasing our ability to give to others.
Forgive me for being unclear in my query. But it seems my question remains unanswered. For I'm wondering what forgiveness really is. You, my new friend answer by saying what forgiveness does.
Let me attempt to explain by way of example: Suppose I were to ask you, "What is clay?" and you were to answer, "There is the clay of pottery, and the clay of bricks, and the clay of floor tiles..." You wouldn't have given me the answer I seek. But if you were to say, "Clay is moistened earth," now
that would be the answer to my question! For you would tell me what all these uses of clay have in common as their
one true nature.
So when I ask what forgiveness is, you seem to be doing the same. You say there is the forgiveness that gives one self-respect, the forgiveness that removes resentment, the forgiveness that gives one autonomy, the forgiveness that enables us to give. You are telling me what forgiveness
does. I want to know what forgiveness
is--what the one thing is, which all these effects of forgiving have in common as their
one true nature.
Please, then try again to answer my question: What is forgiveness?