Since you already admittedly cheated, shes free. I pray she finds love and happiness with a God loving man who will cherish her like Christ does us.
toldailytopic: Is getting a divorce immoral?
- Thread starter Nathon Detroit
- Start date
Since you already admittedly cheated, shes free. I pray she finds love and happiness with a God loving man who will cherish her like Christ does us.
Many do, some do not. Your issue is with those who do not.
I think that applying human "common sense" is probably the worst thing you could do. You should be applying God's sense of what is holy and what is not and striving to be holy before God.highlife said:
I am sensing a disturbing double standard from you. You want the church to support you in a divorce so you can get more/better sex and chastise your wife not having a sex drive that satisfies you. What about your wife? Why shouldn't the church support her? What if in all other ways your wife is good wife? Why should the church say its okay for you to divorce her based your lusts not being satisfied? Said a bit differently, why should the church support your lusts?highlife said:
Why isn't it reasonable? My wife went through breast cancer and the chemo pretty well shut her sex drive off. We are young enough that we both still want to enjoy sex but she is not physically capable of doing so. She would probably fit your functional definition of prude. To be honest, we do not have sex with near the frequency I desire. While it is a bit frustrating at times, I can find absolutely no reason to divorce her because our sex drives are radially different. We still enjoy each others company, we like the same movies, we have two daughters than love their mother, we like to vacation together. I love my wife for a great many reasons and none of them are based on sex. Divorcing my wife would be immoral. Marrying another woman so I could have more sex would be immoral. It is no way detrimental for me to contain my sex drive.highlife said:
This is why I keep asking you whether you are ruled by your libido or whether you rule over it. I rule over my libido. I control it, it does not control me so I am free to experience marriage for all that it has to offer.
Its not legalism. It is the application of biblical principles. God wants us to be holy and we can't do that if we are focused on slaking our lusts. Basically, if you are divorcing so that you can pursue your lusts you are acting immorally.highlife said:
I don't think so. Even though the affair would be considered adulterous, it is not what caused the marriage to end so I don't think "frees" us.
You don't want to believe it because you want to be free of the moral stricture to love and honor your wife if you feel she is not meeting your sexual expectations. What about you? Maybe she is not enjoying sex with you because you are so selfish you care nothing for her desires and pleasures.
It has been my experience that when a couple marries for the right reasons sex is rarely an issue. Their commitment to each other allows them to find what works for them. Their relationship is based on more than just sex.
Those marriages that were based only on sex nearly always end in disaster.
If you see marriage as a way to gratify your sexual lusts then you should never remarry. You do not have what it takes to love a wife the way Christ loves His Church.
What nonsense be this? Nobody is using it against Christ's Church but you. Christ laid out the moral principle, and its a hard one. YOU don't like it so you are claiming that it hurts the church.highlife said:
Yes, He truly knows. And he knows that if you decision was based on slaking your lust for sex that your decision was immoral.highlife said:
Sure it does, 1 Corinthians 6:12 , 1 Corinthians 10:23
Adultery is grounds for divorce (Matt. 19:7–9). "The only New Testament grounds for divorce are sexual sin or desertion by an unbeliever..." Full text: Grounds for Divorce Grace to You
Go back and read through the thread. LH's question was regarding sex after a divorce has already taken place.
It is apparent that each person has his or her own threshhold for "gross". In marriage, loving negotiation will occur. When handled carefully, experimentation may be good to wonderful . If not handled carefully it will be a disaster. Mutual respect must be the foundation guideline.
If either partner is turned off, then, one of our greatest gifts is lost.
From your own wording, it is apparent that you want a female who "puts out". You don't need marriage for that sort of sex act.
Morally, I am not so sure. I don't see this as an issue of "church law", as it were, but a question of moral principles. The moral principle laid down by Jesus is that divorcing for any reason other than adultery sets us up for adultery in any future marriage. So if I were to divorce my wife because I just don't love her anymore, what ended our marriage was not adultery, it was and SOB for a husband. Since the marriage ended for something other than adultery, we are not released from our marriage vows.
Upon further reflection I think I would say that for the scenario above, the husband is never free to remarry. But if he does have sex with another woman then the wife is released from her vows. She is not at fault for his sins.
Lighthouse: "If your former partner remarries and is therefore guilty of adultery are you free to remarry then?"
[Grounds for Divorce Grace to You] "Remarriage is permitted for the faithful partner only when the divorce was on biblical grounds. In fact, the purpose for a biblical divorce is to make clear that the faithful partner is free to remarry, but only in the Lord (Rom. 7:1-3; 1 Cor. 7:39).
Those who divorce on any other grounds have sinned against God and their partners, and for them to marry another is an act of “adultery” (Mark 10:11-12)..." Full text: Grounds for Divorce Grace to You
Why is it that you totally omit Mathew 19:11, you treat it as if its not even in the bible with all your posts. I even posted it in red and you fail to address it.
Matthew 9:11
New International Version (NIV)
11 When the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, “Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?”
Jesus came to save the sinners. He ate dinner with the to share with them. Assuming you are already saved, you are expected to live by a higher standard. You are expected to repent of your sinful lusts and lead a holy life.
HisServant
New member
You are also not supposed to judge one another because you have no idea what the Holy Spirit is doing in someone life.
Your kind of attitude and judgementalism is why I rarely attend church anymore.. you aren't interested in encouraging others, you are more interested in being holier than though and generally being a pompous horses rear end.
We can only like Holy lives insomuch as the Holy Spirit grants us grace to do so... period.
IF you think you can life a Holy Life based on your own selfish choices and your own merit you are mistaken, because even your best deeds and choices are but filthy rags to God.
I think of David and many other great figures in the Old Testament and how God loved them in spite of their flaws and sins...
I agree, if I could follow the law perfectly I would not need Jesus and I would not need to be a christian, I coudl get to heaven on my own merits. But I cant, I cant even accept mathew 19 and Jesus even said there will be thoes that cant accept this, not to mention I have commited other misc sins in the past which is why I NEED Jesus.
My ex wife baited and switched on me and defrauded me so I divorced and I did not wait around to waste life on the situation like the church would have had me do, 6 months and that was it. However I dont plan to do it again with my new wife, the odds of getting 2 dishonest wifes in a row is statisticly slim. Also we lived and slept together for 3 years before getting married to ensure there would be no issues for either of us, which the church does not condone, in fact they treat it as a higher sin than the sins they are committing as if there is a higherarchy of sin.
At the end of the day I have to do what works and for me the blind marriage and no divorce thing did not work so well so I believe the holy spirt led me in another direction and I am much happier for it. Churches balk at the concept of test drive before you buy when in fact that concept is as solid as gravity or algebra.
As brothers ans sisters in Christ we should be supporting and encouraging each other to live holy lives that are pleasing to God. We will fail. We will fail spectacularly and God will still love us and forgive us. But just because we know we can never live up to a perfect life does not mean that we should not try.
In this case, have the parties done everything that they reasonably can to solve the problems of their marriage? If not then getting a divorce is probably not yet warranted. But when a divorce does happen, what is the next step? Marriage is important to God. That is what Jesus was saying in Matthew (. It is not something to be taken lightly. So before we jump into another marriage we need to carefully examine our motives.
It is judgmental to go to a friend and tell them that the affair they are having is immoral. It is a judgment call. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this sort of judgment. We cross the line when we say your affair is wrong and you are going to hell for it. That is when we take God's judgment into our own hands and that is wrong. Pointing out to others that they are acting immorally is actually a good thing.
Add fornication to your list of sexually immoral acts.
At the end of the day you should be looking for Christ's purpose in you life instead of looking for what makes you feel good.
I know what it is im just saving up to do it. Aerobatic flying. That is what the holy spirt put in me since birth.
Your key issue is you say that all this care has to be taken before the divorce occures, however, in reality there is really no line in the sand where the requisit care has been taken and a divorce can proceed, the only way for an individual in the church to stop wasting their time with a refusing spouse is to break away from the church and just get the paper work over with as the church will never actually give the green light, they will simply tell you to counsel until one of you dies. Then as far as the remarriage there is no line in the sand where one is on their knees long enough or lonely enough before the church will give the green light.
You say SOME things that I agree with but in practice the church never actually gives that green light (other than very very rare circumstances). Marriage was ment to serve man not man serve the institution. It especially does not help that the church views the healthy male labido as a filthy thing and that women can do no wrong.
This is why many do not view the church as relavent because they do not employ "follow through" solutions to real live problems, they present pie in the sky advice with no satisfactory solution in most cases.
Everyone knows that God takes marriage seriously but he knew there were enough issues that he granted divorce in the OT, Jesus was simply stating the way things were designed in the beginning and that not everyone can accept that teaching, its pretty clear cut right there in mathew 19 right along with the infamous passage you like to beat people over the head with.
Adultry is not the only abusive sinful behavior that can wreck a marriage, even Paul expanded on grounds for divorce and I dont see why its unreasonable to extend thoes grounds as the holy spirt leads each of us.
He already said he cheated to get certain sex acts elsewhere and already divorced her for being a "prude".
Shes as free as a bird.