toldailytopic: Forgiveness. When is it appropriate to forgive someone?

[Nathon Detroit]

The TheologyOnline.com TOPIC OF THE DAY for November 9th, 2009 01:02 AM

toldailytopic: Forgiveness. When is it appropriate to forgive someone?

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[zoo22]

I'm inclined to say always. But that doesn't mean letting someone off the hook for what they've done.

Of course, easier said than done. And certainly not to say that I don't often have a hard time forgiving. I do.

 

[Patrick McConnell]

Yeh we should always forgive...that is if we are Christians...that doesn't mean though that we shouldn't be discerning as to whether we have dealings with those people ever again.

 

[Ktoyou]

When the desire for forgiveness is authentic, and not in his or her best interest, relative to immediate effect of his transgression. Being truly sorry implies a willingness to assume responsibility

 

[csuguy]

The biblical model is to forgive when they repent.

 

[Alexandros]

When the desire for forgiveness is authentic, and not in his or her best interest, relative to immediate effect of his transgression. Being truly sorry implies a willingness to assume responsibility

Agreed, I'll add that when you've been wronged, you would be helping yourself out to forgive the other person; carrying hate and anger in your heart long-term is no way to live. Sometimes you have to forgive others for their wrongdoings so that you may find your own peace.

 

[John Mortimer]

Unconditional forgiveness is part and parcel of the healthy functioning of a spiritual person.
Forgiveness means letting go of all attachment to perceived wrongs done to you, (although this may be indirect via wrongs done to someone else).

For those with a spiritual perspective the unconditional aspect of forgiveness is made easier by remembering that the law of cause-and-effect continues to operate in a perfectly impersonal manner at spiritual levels. Those who send out harm will have that harm returned to them in due course, unless they transcend the state of consciousness that caused the harm in the first place.

 

[John Mortimer]

The biblical model is to forgive when they repent.

The Biblical model is:

If you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

God is not mocked, for what a man sows, that shall he also reap.

Vengeance is mine - I will repay, says the LORD.

 

[bybee]

Gorgiveness is that rare quality that can cause one to live up to it. I believe forgiveness ought to be given when someone asks for it, regardless of apearances. God knows the heart of man. Forgiveness may cause the hardened heart to soften, the devious intellect to rethink, the wayward body to return home. God's forgiveness of each of us via His Son is the standard on which we model ourselves. The unforgiving heart isolates itself and may lose the ability to love. peace, bybee

 

[chickenman]

Along the lines of the OP, I'm curious why so many Christians equate forgiveness with not harboring bitterness (e.g.). In other words, we regularly hear that if we don't forgive, we are hanging on to bitter feelings that can harden us.

I disagree that the two ideas are synonymous.

Do you believe that one can choose to NOT forgive and at the same time, not allow bitter feelings in his heart?

I do. To me, the two things are independent of one another (though not mutually exclusive).

 

[bybee]

Forgiveness

Forgiveness

Along the lines of the OP, I'm curious why so many Christians equate forgiveness with not harboring bitterness (e.g.). In other words, we regularly hear that if we don't forgive, we are hanging on to bitter feelings that can harden us.

I disagree that the two ideas are synonymous.

Do you believe that one can choose to NOT forgive and at the same time, not allow bitter feelings in his heart?

I do. To me, the two things are independent of one another (though not mutually exclusive).

I must forgive an offense in order to cleanse myself of the thoughts and feelings which may have been triggered in my wild heart. Then I can come up with a more rational response. I do believe in "shaking the dust from my feet" so to speak, so that I am not likely to be victimized again. Forgiveness is not acceptance. It is a way for one to move on with one's capacity to love still functional. Blessings, bybee

 

[DocJohnson]

Let's look at the definition (I love defintions, can you tell?)...

for·give [verb]

1. To excuse for a fault or an offense; pardon.

2. To renounce anger or resentment against.

3. To absolve from payment of (i.e. a debt).

We cannot do number 1, because only the Law can do that. We're not simply talking about a debt here, so number 3 doesn't apply.

That leaves number 2. If you hold anger or resentment toward someone who has wronged you, you risk hardending your heart and opening yourself up to vengeance.

 

[Lucky]

Can you forgive someone for murdering a friend or relative of yours?

Can you forgive someone who refuses to accept your forgiveness?

Does God forgive unconditionally? Are unrepentant sinners forgiven?

 

[DocJohnson]

Can you forgive someone for murdering a friend or relative of yours?

Yes, and let Law deal with them.

Can you forgive someone who refuses to accept your forgiveness?

Yes, their inacceptance is irrelevant. At least your conscience is clear.

Does God forgive unconditionally? Are unrepentant sinners forgiven?

Yes, and again, Law deals with them.

 

[Frank Ernest]

Agreed, I'll add that when you've been wronged, you would be helping yourself out to forgive the other person; carrying hate and anger in your heart long-term is no way to live. Sometimes you have to forgive others for their wrongdoings so that you may find your own peace.

Agree.

 

[Lucky]

Yes, their inacceptance is irrelevant. At least your conscience is clear.

So when you forgive, it's for your own benefit? To make yourself feel all righteous inside? Is that the main purpose of forgiving others? Is that why God forgives?

 

[Poly]

Along the lines of the OP, I'm curious why so many Christians equate forgiveness with not harboring bitterness (e.g.). In other words, we regularly hear that if we don't forgive, we are hanging on to bitter feelings that can harden us.

I disagree that the two ideas are synonymous.

Do you believe that one can choose to NOT forgive and at the same time, not allow bitter feelings in his heart?

I do. To me, the two things are independent of one another (though not mutually exclusive).

I agree. In fact, I think that if you are of the mindset that you have to forgive, no matter what, even if they haven't repented and asked for forgiveness, you might have a greater chance of harboring bitterness.

Guess this is as good a time as any to see what Christ's view is on this.

Luke 17:3
"Take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him."

 

[zoo22]

If you hold anger or resentment toward someone who has wronged you, you risk harending your heart and opening yourself up to vengeance.

Related to oneself, "to choose not to forgive is like taking poison and hoping the other person dies."

 

[chatmaggot]

The Biblical model is:

If you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

God is not mocked, for what a man sows, that shall he also reap.

Vengeance is mine - I will repay, says the LORD.

Who said anything about taking vengeance upon anyone or repaying anyone?

Luke 17:3

Take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him.

Do you believe that this passage teaches unconditional repentance or conditional repentance?

It doesn't say:

"If your brother sins against you, forgive them without rebuking him or regardless if they are sorry/repentant for what they have done. Just forgive them."

 

[DocJohnson]

So when you forgive, it's for your own benefit? To make yourself feel all righteous inside? Is that the main purpose of forgiving others? Is that why God forgives?

Unforgiveness is a sin. God forgives because it's His nature. Sin is the barrier between man and God, and forgiveness is what breaks through that barrier.