Lets fact check "Faith" the verb....

[Faither]

No, I'm pretty new at the steps, and still looking for a sponsor.

Well the first thing, is a sponsor is simply someone who can guide you, and knows how to connect you to God. That's their only responsibility. They will no doubt do a lot of other things too, but if they can't help you make a conscious contact with God, they can't help you.

Are you comfortable with me asking you some questions in this venue and thread?

 

[brewmama]

It's just a better way to work the steps rather than doing it all by yourself. You don't have to have one.

 

[brewmama]

Well the first thing, is a sponsor is simply someone who can guide you, and knows how to connect you to God. That's their only responsibility. They will no doubt do a lot of other things too, but if they can't help you make a conscious contact with God, they can't help you.

Are you comfortable with me asking you some questions in this venue and thread?

if it's not too personal

 

[Faither]

why do you need a sponsor?

Thanks for the question chryostom, but I think this is going to be a closed conversation for a while. I can't PM anyone yet so I have no choice. But I promise, if you read and listen to the conversation, I'll not only answer any questions you'll have when were done, but I guarantee you'll have a lot of new questions also.

 

[chrysostom]

It's just a better way to work the steps rather than doing it all by yourself. You don't have to have one.

what steps?

 

[brewmama]

what steps?

I guess you're joining the conversation late. I'm in Al-anon. We do the 12 steps, similar to AA.

 

[Faither]

if it's not too personal

Ya, you've been in here a long time and probably made some friends. That's going to be an issue, but I'll start and if you don't feel comfortable answering, just say so and we can wait until I can PM.

Why are you going to a 12 step program?

 

[chrysostom]

I guess you're joining the conversation late. I'm in Al-anon. We do the 12 steps, similar to AA.

I am up to speed on that -
and -
this should be no problem -
if -
it is anonymous -

 

[brewmama]

My son got into a lot of trouble and has been to rehab twice. He just finished a 9 month stint at a sober living school where he finally finished high school. He has been to AA meetings 5-7 times a week for about a year. My husband and I are doing our part, or "our work" as my son calls it.

 

[chrysostom]

My son got into a lot of trouble and has been to rehab twice. He just finished a 9 month stint at a sober living school where he finally finished high school. He has been to AA meetings 5-7 times a week for about a year. My husband and I are doing our part, or "our work" as my son calls it.

so you must be familiar with what they call 'tough love' and/or 'detachment' -
are you?-

 

[Faither]

My son got into a lot of trouble and has been to rehab twice. He just finished a 9 month stint at a sober living school where he finally finished high school. He has been to AA meeting 5-7 times a week for about a year. My husband and I are doing our part, or "our work" as my son calls it.

Ok, I should have worded my question better. But your answer if I'm understanding it correctly, your doing it for your son?

 

[brewmama]

yes

 

[chrysostom]

yes

yes to what?

 

[brewmama]

yes to what?

yes to I'm doing it for my son, but also yes to your question.

 

[chrysostom]

yes to I'm doing it for my son, but also yes to your question.

I never liked the term 'tough love' -
and -
prefer the term 'detachment' -
because -
that is what you really need to do in order to help him -

do you understand 'detachment'? -

 

[Faither]

yes

Ok, then the steps wouldn't be for you. The 12 steps are kind of a last resort, when you've tried everything else to ease an insane state of mind. Maybe, it's your son that needs my help. Has he worked the steps yet? But on the other hand, when a parent is watching the love of their life going through this, can be a much worse state than what ant addict will experience yet. Two different paths, which one do you need to go down?

 

[brewmama]

I never liked the term 'tough love' -
and -
prefer the term 'detachment' -
because -
that is what you really need to do in order to help him -

do you understand 'detachment'? -

Yes, I understand it, intellectually at least

 

[brewmama]

Ok, then the steps wouldn't be for you. The 12 steps are kind of a last resort, when you've tried everything else to ease an insane state of mind. Maybe, it's your son that needs my help. Has he worked the steps yet? But on the other hand, when a parent is watching the love of their life going through this, can be a much worse state than what ant addict will experience yet. Two different paths, which one do you need to go down?

Interesting. My husband is not concerned with working the steps, just going to meetings. My son has done the steps, has found a new sponsor since he came home, and has taken on 2 sponsees. He is doing very well, and I have much more peace of mind right now.

We continue going to Al-anon because we found it so helpful, more so than therapy.

 

[Faither]

Interesting. My husband is not concerned with working the steps, just going to meetings. My son has done the steps, has found a new sponsor since he came home, and has taken on 2 sponsees. He is doing very well, and I have much more peace of mind right now.

I my experience, your son is already getting help. If I were to inject what I know to him at this point it won't work. I "hope" and pray he has someone like I had.

So were back to you. Do you feel you need to work the steps? Have you tried everything else?

 

[chrysostom]

Interesting. My husband is not concerned with working the steps, just going to meetings. My son has done the steps, has found a new sponsor since he came home, and has taken on 2 sponsees. He is doing very well, and I have much more peace of mind right now.

We continue going to Al-anon because we found it so helpful, more so than therapy.

you don't need to do the steps -
but -
you should know about them -
you don't need a sponsor -
but -
one might help -
what you do need is 'detachment'