Allow me to clarify some of the statements you have made for your benefit and other's too.
We do not have temples. We have Kingdom Halls where everyone is invited.
It doesn't really matter what you call it, does it?
We do not automatically disfellowship someone who commits a serious sin. If, however, a baptized Witness makes a practice of breaking the Bible’s moral code and does not repent, he or she will be shunned or disfellowshipped. The Bible clearly states: “Remove the wicked man from among yourselves.”—1 Corinthians 5:13.
It is the elders who determine how serious the offense is. What is serious to them might be trivial to others so there is no standard to determine "serious."
I've known of many Witnesses who've been disfellowshipped, realized that the act they were engaged in was truly wrong, and after a prescribed time period were allowed to associate with the congregation again. It's called disciplining in righteousness.
Tell me, what did the woman do wrong when her husband was beating her and cheating on her? What did she do wrong when she went to her elders for help and they refused? What did a young man with mental issues do wrong? He needed help and his church kicked him out.
What of a man who is disfellowshipped but whose wife and children are still Jehovah’s Witnesses? The religious ties he had with his family change, but blood ties remain. The marriage relationship and normal family affections and dealings continue.
When my friends sister was disfellowshipped the elders told her mother and her other sister that they could no longer speak to her or they would be disfellowshipped as well. The church failed to help her and she suffered emensilly for it. Still does.
Disfellowshipped individuals may attend our religious services. If they wish, they may also receive spiritual counsel from congregation elders. The goal is to HELP each individual once more to qualify to be one of Jehovah’s Witnesses. Disfellowshipped people who reject improper conduct and demonstrate a sincere desire to live by the Bible’s standards are always welcome to become members of the congregation again.
Sure they can attend but the congregation is not allowed to speak to them at risk of being disfellowshipped. Would you want to go to a church where everybody pointedly ignores you?
The elders who handled the individual cases you spoke of, and the people who were disfellowshiped, are the only ones who are supposed to know exactly what occurred, because it allows the offender to retain as much of their dignity as possible. As such, it's none of my, yours or anyone else's business what went on. There is no Monday morning quarterbacking in the congregation.
People talk. My friend, who left the JW's and converted to Catholicism, talks to her sister. Her sister needed the support and my friend was free to help her.
The outcome of someone's disfellowshipping is no one's fault except the offenders. That would be like blaming someone else because you robbed a bank and you were put in prison. The elders are not psychiatrists or psychologists. They take all of the information available for each situation and make a decision based on the person's attitude of repentance or unrepentance, using the Bible and earnest prayer. It never happens overnight or hastily.
The sister was being beat and cheated on by her husband. Why was she disfellowshipped for his acts AGAINST her? SOunds like the elders are poorly qualified.
As for family dinners, most every Witness around the world came from another religion and find that it's oftentimes hard to make an immediate break with their former traditions. So they have the family over a day or two after a holiday. Some have family get togethers after holidays because that's when everyone is off work, or when everyone's schedule permits it. Bottom line is that it's their conscience, personal decision and business, just as your choosing to celebrate any holidays you prefer to. The same applies to birthdays. In my experience, it's usually unbelieving parents and grandparents who give children gifts the day after. Witnesses normally give their children and grandchildren gifts year round.
So its okay to tell yourself whatever you need to tell yourself to make you feel better about going against the teachings of your church.
As for defending our translation, I suppose you would to, especially if it was as accurate as the NWT.
I never defend a particular translation as being the best or most accurate. It is not possible to make such a claim as there is no way to evaluate the veracity of such a claim. For many of the books of the Bible the true originals no longer exist. How do you determine if your translation is the best if the standard by which MUST be judged no longer exists.
Which translation is best, in general, the translation that you will actually read is the best. That is where God will meet you. Caution must be exercised as translations such as the Gay Bible are agenda based, not God based and can lead people astray. Look for a translation done by people striving to understand what God actually said without their own agenda will serve you best. The NWT is more of an agenda bible that an accurate translation.