do most people marry the wrong person?

[republicanchick]

it seems to me that most people marry the wrong person

if this were not so.. how to explain the divorce rate?

It seems that most people marry the first or second person they fall in love with... but love goes away.. over sometimes the most petty reasons... or what would seem to be petty reasons... God knows...

anyway... marriage is hard b/c it is 2 people living together, 2 people who already have one HUGE difference: one is male, one female... can't get any bigger difference than that...


so... yeh, I think people get married too quickly. I have never been married... been in a relationship or 2 but never got to the altar..

i have been in love many times... but always reality intervened...



___

 

[Rusha]

A lot of people change or hide their true self until AFTER marriage. Also, some people (especially in the case of teens) marry too young or for the wrong reasons.

 

[Town Heretic]

it seems to me that most people marry the wrong person

if this were not so.. how to explain the divorce rate?

It's actually not bad if you marry within the right age range, not too early so your calculator is working and not so late that it's hard to adapt to/work in another person with your routine/habits.

If you marry before 25, however, about seven out of ten times you get the thing wrong. The mid twenties crowd mostly make it and are happy about it. Divorce rates stay low thereafter, though happiness isn't as pronounced...maybe expectations differ when you marry older.

 

[Nick M]

if this were not so.. how to explain the divorce rate?

No, they don't understand marriage. Sex and romance are the reward of it, not the reason to marry. And an even bigger problem is the feminism in this country. They don't know how to interact. They have their instinct but put it away.

 

[chrysostom]

my two brothers and I got together with our wives
our kids are all married and on their own
my younger brother works in mental health
so
I put him on the spot
and
asked him what the secret is to staying married
and
he groped for an answer
and
finally said, don't give up
all three of us went through hell with our marriages
but
we didn't give up

we are now staying together for our grandchildren

 

[republicanchick]

my two brothers and I got together with our wives
our kids are all married and on their own
my younger brother works in mental health
so
I put him on the spot
and
asked him what the secret is to staying married
and
he groped for an answer
and
finally said, don't give up
all three of us went through hell with our marriages
but
we didn't give up

we are now staying together for our grandchildren

sorry to hear you went through hard times...


+

 

[republicanchick]

No, they don't understand marriage. Sex and romance are the reward of it, not the reason to marry. And an even bigger problem is the feminism in this country. They don't know how to interact. They have their instinct but put it away.

explain

 

[serpentdove]

it seems to me that most people marry the wrong person...

:AMR: If they've married said person then they are the right person (Matt. 19:6, Rom. 7:2, 3)--[not for HisServant (Jn 8:44) :reals:--he didn't tie the knot--he tied a slip-knot) :devil:].

 

[serpentdove]

A lot of people change...

Like everybody? lain:

 

[serpentdove]

No, they don't understand marriage. Sex and romance are the reward of it, not the reason to marry. And an even bigger problem is the feminism in this country. They don't know how to interact. They have their instinct but put it away.

"Feminists aren't feminine." K: ~ Jo Scott

 

[M. A. Williams]

I think people marry far too quickly, yes.

I don't really know why, but I definitely think that's the case and I definitely see it as an issue.

Circumstances I was met with recently was the cultural differences between myself and my girlfriend. We both come from different cultures (Liberal Europe, Conservative Canada) and so we see the matter of living together prior to marriage in different ways.

On the one hand, where I am from, people will tell you that you don't truly know someone until you've lived with them, and I'm inclined to agree.

Where she's from, it's improper. People assume that you can't keep your hands to yourself and that living together compounds that problem.

We can both see valid points from both arguments and we're both committed to waiting until marriage and are confident that we wouldn't fall, but the fact remains that the cultural divide is there and no matter what we chose, we'd upset someone.

Anyway, that aside... I think a lot of people get married before really critically questioning things. Questioning themselves. Questioning their partners. Asking questions that are forward-thinking. I think a lot of people are in a rush to get married just so they can be married. Maybe it's seen as the beginning of their adult life or their 'mature' Christian life, I don't know.

I know another couple that will be marrying within the first year or, at the latest, two years of meeting. I think that's woefully fast.

 

[serpentdove]

"...[W]e see the matter of living together prior to marriage in different ways.

On the one hand, where I am from, people will tell you that you don't truly know someone until you've lived with them, and I'm inclined to agree.

Where she's from, it's improper. People assume that you can't keep your hands to yourself and that living together compounds that problem."

If a man can't wait before marriage he will not remain faithful in marriage (Adrian Rogers). 2 Co 6:14, Heb 13:4

 

[Nick M]

explain

You are to remain silent in public. True story. Do you do it? There is a context to this and it pertains to TOL. You are a classic example of the need for it.

Do you do it, or do you embarrass your husband? Or is he a feminist and is glad you run your mouth promoting evil?

 

[Desert Reign]

I think people marry far too quickly, yes.

Yes. These registry office marriages these days are over in 5 minutes.

it seems to me that most people marry the wrong person

There's no 'the wrong person'.
The choice you make is not to choose a person but to choose a life together with a person. If you only choose the person then you have a platonic view of marriage. It is then only an ideal.
People get divorced when they realise that marriage was not an end but a beginning. They thought of it as an end. They thought life would be perfect after marriage. Then they began to realise that marriage was a long term committment and they had to start at the beginning with nuts and bolts. Then, it wasn't all love and ecstasy in a bright blue day but responsibility and haze and fog.
Nope. Many people (perhaps as many as 1 in 5 so not hard to find) of approximately your own age, give or take 10 years, will be the right person if you are committed to each other to live and work together and to love one another.

 

[M. A. Williams]

If a man can't wait before marriage he will not remain faithful in marriage (Adrian Rogers). 2 Co 6:14, Heb 13:4

Absolutely.

 

[M. A. Williams]

Yes. These registry office marriages these days are over in 5 minutes.

That too.

I think ultimately whenever we marry, given the nature of God, He will be present. But I think to marry in a house of the Lord is more glorifying and more of an outward expression of faith than an in-and-out marriage.

 

[Town Heretic]

I don't think so...but you'd have to ask my wife. She might have a different opinion.

:noid:

 

[journey]

I'm convinced that many people don't know what true love is. They confuse love with infatuation or physical attraction. Our sex-driven society doesn't help with the confusion, so many marriages fail.

 

[Nick M]

There's no 'the wrong person'.
The choice you make is not to choose a person but to choose a life together with a person

Winner, winner, chicken dinner.

Husbands, stop being perverted feminists. Give yourself for her aa Christ gave himself for the church. The love Paul is describing is serving, not emotions. Afterall, you can't just turn them on.

Ephesians 5

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved (served) the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.

 

[Nick M]

And make sure you give her that year first, too.