Deliberately obscure jokes
- Thread starter musterion
- Start date
My secular, "part time" job is as a stock trader.
So, I'm sitting in the office late, one night, sipping from a glass of a good year of "Cold Duck," October, when suddenly satan's minions, Tet. Craigie the Clown, Naggie witchiepoo, and Ernie Douglas, Jr."god"rulz, all appear across from my desk.
“Who are you?” I ask them.
In chorus, they respond, “We are satans's minions-we are his children, " comes the response, “and we want your eternal soul, which explains why we are the wolf pack on TOL."
“Really?” says the renowned future TOL poster of the year, and trader, the great, and humble, saint John W. “And what do I get in return?,” I pose to these 3 dirty birds.
“Everything you’ve always desired,” say the children of the devil, Tet., Naggie, and "god"rulz, AKA Moe, Larry, Curly. “Our father has given us the authority, to make you the most powerful man on the stock exchange, the King of Wall Street! You will be richer than your wildest dreams. You will have an army of chefs and servants ready to wait on you at any hour of the day, and a charge card to "White Castle," and only the most beautiful chicks on your arm, seeing as to you dig chicks, and they dig you. You will own chalets on five different continents, a fleet of yachts, private airplanes, and your own tropical island, including Ginger, and Mary Ann. We will make you the most successful and feared man on the planet, besides TOL, of which you already are!
Stock trader me, thinks for a moment, then I ask: "Yeah, so, what's the catch?"
So, I'm sitting in the office late, one night, sipping from a glass of a good year of "Cold Duck," October, when suddenly satan's minions, Tet. Craigie the Clown, Naggie witchiepoo, and Ernie Douglas, Jr."god"rulz, all appear across from my desk.
“Who are you?” I ask them.
In chorus, they respond, “We are satans's minions-we are his children, " comes the response, “and we want your eternal soul, which explains why we are the wolf pack on TOL."
“Really?” says the renowned future TOL poster of the year, and trader, the great, and humble, saint John W. “And what do I get in return?,” I pose to these 3 dirty birds.
“Everything you’ve always desired,” say the children of the devil, Tet., Naggie, and "god"rulz, AKA Moe, Larry, Curly. “Our father has given us the authority, to make you the most powerful man on the stock exchange, the King of Wall Street! You will be richer than your wildest dreams. You will have an army of chefs and servants ready to wait on you at any hour of the day, and a charge card to "White Castle," and only the most beautiful chicks on your arm, seeing as to you dig chicks, and they dig you. You will own chalets on five different continents, a fleet of yachts, private airplanes, and your own tropical island, including Ginger, and Mary Ann. We will make you the most successful and feared man on the planet, besides TOL, of which you already are!
Stock trader me, thinks for a moment, then I ask: "Yeah, so, what's the catch?"
musterion
Well-known member
One of my early one's here:
I put myself on ignore and now I don't know what I'm saying.
I put myself on ignore and now I don't know what I'm saying.
That's ok. Neither does anyone else.
But when it does it's going to be a steaming load.
One day the zoo-keeper noticed that the orangutan was reading two books - the Bible and Darwin's Origin of Species. Surprised, he asked the ape, "Why are you reading both those books?" "Well," said the orangutan, "I just wanted to know if I was my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother."
Part II:
Daniel Boone runs into a bar.
Daniel Boone runs into a bar.
musterion
Well-known member
Okay I'm stumped.
Yeah, it should have been Davy Crockett.
Lyrics:
Born on a mountain top in Tennessee
Greenest state in the Land of the Free
Raised in the woods so's he knew every tree
Kilt him a b'ar when he was only three.
Davy, Davy Crockett, King of the wild frontier!
How do you tell a friend he should never ever drink?
It took it's inference from a famous tree with a carving that reads:
"D. Boon Kilt a Bar, 1803." Just part of his legend.
So, "Daniel Boone runs into a bar" tells two stories and there's the obscure joke.
Well, as Bill Cliton would say, "It depends on what the meaning of the word 'friend' is."
oatmeal
Well-known member
a piece of string walks into a bar, sits down on a barstool.
Bartender says, sorry, you will have to leave, we do not serve string here.
The string gets up and leaves, but a minute later, walks backs in and orders a beer.
Bartender again tells him to leave, they do not serve string there.
The string objects and leaves.
Outside the string gets all furious, get all twisted and tied up and his ends unwind and he goes back in and orders a beer.
The bartender notices him and says "aren't you that piece of string I kicked out twice already"
The string answers, "No, I'm a frayed knot"
Bartender says, sorry, you will have to leave, we do not serve string here.
The string gets up and leaves, but a minute later, walks backs in and orders a beer.
Bartender again tells him to leave, they do not serve string there.
The string objects and leaves.
Outside the string gets all furious, get all twisted and tied up and his ends unwind and he goes back in and orders a beer.
The bartender notices him and says "aren't you that piece of string I kicked out twice already"
The string answers, "No, I'm a frayed knot"