parenting

[chrysostom]

parenting

this morning I saw a parenting discussion on tv
they talked about how much time was too little
and
what was too much
what they didn't talk about
was
the importance of just being there

I once heard just showing up is 80%
I think just being there is also is 80%

what do you think?

 

[Nihilo]

parenting

this morning I saw a parenting discussion on tv
they talked about how much time was too little
and
what was too much
what they didn't talk about
was
the importance of just being there

I once heard just showing up is 80%
I think just being there is also is 80%

what do you think?

They're going to learn one way or another. Best to be there for it.

 

[chrysostom]

it has been said
that
you shouldn't move a teenager
it is really hard on them

 

[bybee]

it has been said
that
you shouldn't move a teenager
it is really hard on them

It is helpful to concentrate on what is good for children.
What is good for children is to be parented by their parents.
That means love, security, nurturing, training and role modeling.
It means being involved in the children's lives on a daily basis whenever possible.
It means making eye contact with one's children and listening to their wonderful news!
Soon enough they become involved with their peers and slowly move away from you. But if you have maintained a steady presence in their lives they come back. Then, not only are you connected by birth, but you may also become friends!

 

[Totton Linnet]

parenting

this morning I saw a parenting discussion on tv
they talked about how much time was too little
and
what was too much
what they didn't talk about
was
the importance of just being there

I once heard just showing up is 80%
I think just being there is also is 80%

what do you think?

*

*thinks*

All the times I was glad parents were not there

 

[chrysostom]

*

*thinks*

All the times I was glad parents were not there

these are important times

 

[1PeaceMaker]

Soon enough they become involved with their peers and slowly move away from you.

It's funny but you know some young people don't see themselves as in a separate class from the adults when they reach maturity. Rather, they can see themselves as part of that peer group you belong to.

Have you seen that happen?

How does that change the parenting dynamic?

I was such a young person, myself. Rather than run around with other teens and nothing else, I got into ministry and did evangelism with other adults until I got to know one of them well enough that he fell in love with me, and vice-versa and we got married.

But if you have maintained a steady presence in their lives they come back. Then, not only are you connected by birth, but you may also become friends!

That must be hard for people. My oldest child is starting to turn out like me. I like that my sister and I didn't drift away from our parents due to age and I hope that not only my oldest will stay friends, but that the other children become peers, too, instead of drifting away.

 

[Nathon Detroit]

I think parenting is a 3-legged table.

33% Love
33% Attention
33% Discipline

Turns out love and attention are two entirely different things. If you give your children enough of these 3 things your table will stand.

 

[musterion]

I once heard just showing up is 80%
I think just being there is also is 80%

what do you think?

I know a kid, 5th grader, who said his dad built car models. I assumed this was your typical (old fashioned, maybe) dad/son activity. The kid said no, Dad builds them by himself and Son is not involved, though he'd like to be. I had a spare kit sitting in the basement so I gave it to him. The next week I asked the kid how the car looked; he said "great," but kinda flatly. I asked if Dad helped with it.

"Nope."

Did Dad see that he had it?

"Yep."

And the kid walked off.

Being there 100% is not enough if one isn't actually "there." I know you know that, but I know way too many "parents" who don't...or just don't care. I consider them [redacted] and feel so much pity for their kids because - with rare, lucky exceptions - they'll end up copying the only parent model they had.

 

[bybee]

I know a kid, 5th grader, who said his dad built car models. I assumed this was your typical (old fashioned, maybe) dad/son activity. The kid said no, Dad builds them by himself and Son is not involved, though he'd like to be. I had a spare kit sitting in the basement so I gave it to him. The next week I asked the kid how the car looked; he said "great," but kinda flatly. I asked if Dad helped with it.

"Nope."

Did Dad see that he had it?

"Yep."

And the kid walked off.

Being there 100% is not enough if one isn't actually "there." I know you know that, but I know way too many "parents" who don't...or just don't care. I consider them [redacted] and feel so much pity for their kids because - with rare, lucky exceptions - they'll end up copying the only parent model they had.

Yup! That is why I stress "eye contact". Really look into a child's face. The earnest expression, the light in his eyes, the ready smile and wanting to share with you something of note. This is not to be missed because it goes by so swiftly!

 

[chrysostom]

I think parenting is a 3-legged table.

33% Love
33% Attention
33% Discipline

Turns out love and attention are two entirely different things. If you give your children enough of these 3 things your table will stand.

do you need a chart
and
a stop watch?

 

[chrysostom]

Being there 100% is not enough if one isn't actually "there." I know you know that, but I know way too many "parents" who don't...or just don't care. I consider them [redacted] and feel so much pity for their kids because - with rare, lucky exceptions - they'll end up copying the only parent model they had.

it is still better that actually not being there

 

[Totton Linnet]

I think parenting is a 3-legged table.

33% Love
33% Attention
33% Discipline

Turns out love and attention are two entirely different things. If you give your children enough of these 3 things your table will stand.

Hopefully the legs are properly spaced......

Just a general observation, kids seem to stay kids much longer in America, in Europe an 18 year old is considered an adult....I had left home at 16.

 

[chrysostom]

Hopefully the legs are properly spaced......

Just a general observation, kids seem to stay kids much longer in America, in Europe an 18 year old is considered an adult....I had left home at 16.

most want to stay a kid as long as possible
and
there is nothing wrong with this

 

[Jukia]

If I had $0.05 for every swim meet, soccer game or dance recital I went to, I'd be rich. And make sure you know who their friends are.

 

[annabenedetti]

If I had $0.05 for every swim meet, soccer game or dance recital I went to, I'd be rich. And make sure you know who their friends are.

Baseball game, soccer game, track meet.

Knowing who their friends are is important, as is making their friends feel welcome in your home.

 

[bybee]

Baseball game, soccer game, track meet.

Knowing who their friends are is important, as is making their friends feel welcome in your home.

Agreed!

 

[annabenedetti]

bybee, I'm sure you were very good at making them feel welcome.

 

[bybee]

bybee, I'm sure you were very good at making them feel welcome.

Friday nights at our house were "Kids time". We drove them and picked them up. Often, when we went downstairs for a head count, many friends were sleeping over! Girl friends of my daughters that is!
In the morning we all gathered in our living room for coffee and girl talk.
Some of those girls told me, years later, that they treasured those moments.

 

[annabenedetti]

Friday nights at our house were "Kids time". We drove them and picked them up. Often, when we went downstairs for a head count, many friends were sleeping over! Girl friends of my daughters that is!
In the morning we all gathered in our living room for coffee and girl talk.
Some of those girls told me, years later, that they treasured those moments.

That's so great. I can imagine how treasured those moments were. If only all parents were as affectionate and emotionally tuned in to their children as you were, and are.