genuineoriginal
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It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
Only Intellectuals will understand these jokes
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genuineoriginal
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
genuineoriginal
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3 logicians walk into a bar. The bartender asks "Do all of you want a drink?"
The first logician says "I don't know"
The second logician says "I don't know"
The third logician says "Yes!"
3 logicians walk into a bar. The bartender asks "Do all of you want a drink?"
The first logician says "I don't know"
The second logician says "I don't know"
The third logician says "Yes!"
genuineoriginal
New member
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Einstein, Newton and Pascal are playing hide and go seek.
It's Einstein's turn to count so he covers his eyes and starts counting to ten.
Pascal runs off and hides.
Newton draws a one meter by one meter square on the ground in front of Einstein then stands in the middle of it.
Einstein reaches ten and uncovers his eyes.
He sees Newton immediately and exclaims "Newton! I found you! You're it!"
Newton smiles and says "You didn't find me, you found a Newton over a square meter. You found Pascal!"
Einstein, Newton and Pascal are playing hide and go seek.
It's Einstein's turn to count so he covers his eyes and starts counting to ten.
Pascal runs off and hides.
Newton draws a one meter by one meter square on the ground in front of Einstein then stands in the middle of it.
Einstein reaches ten and uncovers his eyes.
He sees Newton immediately and exclaims "Newton! I found you! You're it!"
Newton smiles and says "You didn't find me, you found a Newton over a square meter. You found Pascal!"
genuineoriginal
New member
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A mathematician and an engineer agreed to take part in an experiment.
They were both placed in a room and at the other end was a beautiful naked woman on a bed.
The experimenter said every 30 seconds they would be allowed to travel half the distance between themselves and the woman.
The mathematician said "This is pointless" and stormed off.
The engineer agreed to go ahead with the experiment anyway.
The mathematician exclaimed on his way out "don't you see, you'll never actually reach her?"
To which the engineer replied, "so what? Pretty soon I'll be close enough for all practical purposes!"
A mathematician and an engineer agreed to take part in an experiment.
They were both placed in a room and at the other end was a beautiful naked woman on a bed.
The experimenter said every 30 seconds they would be allowed to travel half the distance between themselves and the woman.
The mathematician said "This is pointless" and stormed off.
The engineer agreed to go ahead with the experiment anyway.
The mathematician exclaimed on his way out "don't you see, you'll never actually reach her?"
To which the engineer replied, "so what? Pretty soon I'll be close enough for all practical purposes!"
genuineoriginal
New member
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A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a martinus.
"You mean a martini?" the bartender asks.
The Roman replies, "If I wanted a double, I would have asked for it!"
A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a martinus.
"You mean a martini?" the bartender asks.
The Roman replies, "If I wanted a double, I would have asked for it!"
genuineoriginal
New member
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Another Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says, "Five beers, please."
Another Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says, "Five beers, please."
genuineoriginal
New member
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A logician's wife is having a baby.
The doctor immediately hands the newborn to the dad.
His wife asks impatiently: "So, is it a boy or a girl?"
The logician replies: "yes."
A logician's wife is having a baby.
The doctor immediately hands the newborn to the dad.
His wife asks impatiently: "So, is it a boy or a girl?"
The logician replies: "yes."
genuineoriginal
New member
(found somewhere on the internet)
Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French cafe, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness.
He says to the waitress, "I'd like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream."
The waitress replies, "I'm sorry, Monsieur, but we're out of cream. How about with no milk?"
Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French cafe, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness.
He says to the waitress, "I'd like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream."
The waitress replies, "I'm sorry, Monsieur, but we're out of cream. How about with no milk?"
genuineoriginal
New member
(found somewhere on the internet)
Entropy isn't what it used to be.
Entropy isn't what it used to be.
genuineoriginal
New member
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How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?
Ask them to pronounce unionized.
How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?
Ask them to pronounce unionized.
genuineoriginal
New member
(found somewhere on the internet)
Why do engineers confuse Halloween and Christmas?
Because Oct 31 = Dec 25
Why do engineers confuse Halloween and Christmas?
Because Oct 31 = Dec 25
genuineoriginal
New member
(found somewhere on the internet)
Werner Heisenberg, Kurt Gödel, and Noam Chomsky walk into a bar.
Heisenberg turns to the other two and says, "Clearly this is a joke, but how can we figure out if it's funny or not?"
Gödel replies, "We can't know that because we're inside the joke."
Chomsky says, "Of course it's funny. You're just telling it wrong."
Werner Heisenberg, Kurt Gödel, and Noam Chomsky walk into a bar.
Heisenberg turns to the other two and says, "Clearly this is a joke, but how can we figure out if it's funny or not?"
Gödel replies, "We can't know that because we're inside the joke."
Chomsky says, "Of course it's funny. You're just telling it wrong."
genuineoriginal
New member
(found somewhere on the internet)
Pavlov is sitting at a pub enjoying a pint, the phone rings and he jumps up shouting, "Oh no, I forgot to feed the dog!"
Pavlov is sitting at a pub enjoying a pint, the phone rings and he jumps up shouting, "Oh no, I forgot to feed the dog!"
genuineoriginal
New member
(found somewhere on the internet)
Helium walks into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve noble gases here."
He doesn't react.
Helium walks into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve noble gases here."
He doesn't react.
genuineoriginal
New member
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Schrödingers cat walks into a bar.
And doesn't.
Schrödingers cat walks into a bar.
And doesn't.
genuineoriginal
New member
(found somewhere on the internet)
A Buddhist monk approaches a hot-dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
A Buddhist monk approaches a hot-dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
genuineoriginal
New member
(found somewhere on the internet)
A Higgs Boson walks into a church and the priest says, "We don't allow Higgs Bosons in here."
The Higgs Boson then replies, "But without me, how could you have mass?"
A Higgs Boson walks into a church and the priest says, "We don't allow Higgs Bosons in here."
The Higgs Boson then replies, "But without me, how could you have mass?"
genuineoriginal
New member
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The programmer's wife tells him: "Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen."
The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.
The programmer's wife tells him: "Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen."
The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.
genuineoriginal
New member
(found somewhere on the internet)
There's a band called 1023MB.
They haven't had any gigs yet.
There's a band called 1023MB.
They haven't had any gigs yet.