My words are not of depression.
I enjoy this life knowing it is all for me.
This is the point of Buddhism, along with other schools.
I don't want heaven, there is bound to be the same cycles there as here.
Hell will be the same, cycles on cycles.
Buddha taught how to get out of that cycle.
Now, if I end up in hell after, so be it, I will enjoy because circumstances matter not. It is the same if I am to go to heaven, fine.
I will continue my practice until I cease there too.
It doesn't matter how pretty a picture you try to paint for heaven, even the greatest possible scenario would be boring after a few hundred years.
Same with hell, the greatest imagery of torture will just be normal after a time.
While they are in stark contrast to each other, it is your reaction that creates the distinction. It is what you take with you into each moment that dictates your experience of it.
you really are depressed :jazz: