toldailytopic: Is it wrong to spank your children when they misbehave?

[Nathon Detroit]

The TheologyOnline.com TOPIC OF THE DAY for December 2nd, 2010 11:56 AM

toldailytopic: Is it wrong to spank your children when they misbehave?

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[Rusha]

I don't think it's always wrong to spank a child ... depending on the parent, their self control and motive for spanking.

By that, I mean that getting angry and immediately reaching for a belt or another object to spank a child with is not a good idea.

Also, depending on the child, I think there are other methods of punishment that are just as effective.

 

[Nathon Detroit]

I was spanked as a child and I thank my parents for loving me enough to do what is so hard to do. I actually wish that they have been a bit more strict with me into my teenage years when I began to slide so far into being a loser.

We have six kids and have always employed spanking. It's great because it's over and done with and you can quickly move on with life once the punishment is over.

All kids are different. We have children who have almost never been spanked and some that have needed more discipline. But now, we have 6 loving, respectful, funny, hip, talented, smart, friendly, children who are extremely well behaved and require very little discipline at all anymore.

 

[Granite]

Depends on the child and the grievance. Personally, I hope to never have to spank my kids.

 

[SaulToPaul 2]

The looming threat of "the belt" kept me on the straight & narrow.

Then during my teens my motivation to behave decently was to not disappoint or embarrass my family.

 

[ghost]

It's wrong not to.

 

[Nathon Detroit]

Depends on the child and the grievance. Personally, I hope to never have to spank my kids.

Well.... that's a bit like saying... "I wish everyone could get along".

Your kids will misbehave. It WILL happen as sure as death and taxes.

Therefore, will you considering spanking as an option or not?

 

[Rusha]

The looming threat of "the belt" kept me on the straight & narrow.

Then during my teens my motivation to behave decently was to not disappoint or embarrass my family.

I think some of this depends on the child. My father used the belt, but always in anger. Though it did make me fear him, my reaction was to learn to be sneaky.

The fear of my father made it impossible for me to ever trust him enough as a parent to actually be able to confide to and talk openly with him.

 

[Nathon Detroit]

One of my very good friends is a bit of a hippy liberal. We disagreed very much on the spanking issue. He had his first son at the same time that I had my first son. When his son was about 8 years old he was having a problem of wetting the bed.

My friend had tried everything. Nothing was working and he began to realize the problem stemmed from his son wanting attention. It wasn't a physical problem that was causing the bed wetting. I told him that he should spank his son whenever he wet the bed and my friend was appalled. He told me that was barbaric and I should be ashamed of myself.

Yet the bed wetting continued for some time until eventually my friend decided (out of desperation) to take me up on my advice. He spanked his son for the very first time after he had wet the bed yet again.

The spanking instantly ended the bed wetting problem.

My friend came to me and thanked me for the advice that I had given him over a year earlier. He said he was wrong for not listening to me and wished he had employed the strategy much sooner.

Anecdotal evidence to be sure.... but God has a way of knowing what's best for us.

 

[Granite]

Well.... that's a bit like saying... "I wish everyone could get along".

Your kids will misbehave. It WILL happen as sure as death and taxes.

Therefore, will you considering spanking as an option or not?

As an option, yes. As a last resort, yes.

For me spanking signals either a lack of control, or a situation that shouldn't have gotten to that point in the first place. I don't think it's a coincidence that out of seven kids the only ones spanked with any regularity in my family were the three oldest. Even my folks would acknowledge that they became better parents over time, making corporal punishment unnecessary. Was the example of their older siblings responsible for shaping my younger brothers and sisters into shape? Perhaps. Or my parents just got better at getting obedience from the brood without resorting to the belt.

 

[vegascowboy]

I was spanked as a child and I thank my parents for loving me enough to do what is so hard to do. I actually wish that they have been a bit more strict with me into my teenage years when I began to slide so far into being a loser.

We have six kids and have always employed spanking. It's great because it's over and done with and you can quickly move on with life once the punishment is over.

All kids are different. We have children who have almost never been spanked and some that have needed more discipline. But now, we have 6 loving, respectful, funny, hip, talented, smart, friendly, children who are extremely well behaved and require very little discipline at all anymore.

I had no idea that you had six kids! That's great.

I think the most important thing is following through. Go into public sometime and you will inevitably hear a parent threaten their children with idol threats.

"If you do that again I am going to take you to the car!"

or

"If you do that again then you can't get that toy!"

or

"If you don't keep quiet then you are grounded when we get home!"

or....(fill in the blank with any random idol threat)

And then the parents never follow through, so the children never take them seriously.

I do not beat my children in order to get them to comply, and I rarely spank them, but they know when they have gone too far. Why? Because I follow through with what I say I am going to do. I don't tell them that such and such a punishment will result if they continue their behavior unless I actually mean to follow through with that punishment.

All children test the limits of what they are able to get away with. I believe that it is our place, as parents, to set guidelines of expected behavior and help them to understand that they must deal with the consequences of failure to follow those guidelines.

 

[Nydhogg]

It surely beats having to ground kids for months and either follow through and live miserably for the extent of the grounding or lose face and respect.
It has the added advantage of being over quickly. Screw up=Beat down, couple of days of not talking to each other, reconciliation, and each one goes his merry way, instead of making the conflict eternal.

It would also depend on the definition of "children". A 15 year old or or older kid is not a child. Most of the problems of our current society are because we treat young adults like children.

 

[Granite]

I had no idea that you had six kids! That's great.

I think the most important thing is following through. Go into public sometime and you will inevitably hear a parent threaten their children with idol threats.

"If you do that again I am going to take you to the car!"

or

"If you do that again then you can't get that toy!"

or

"If you don't keep quiet then you are grounded when we get home!"

or....(fill in the blank with any random idol threat)

And then the parents never follow through, so the children never take them seriously.

I do not beat my children in order to get them to comply, and I rarely spank them, but they know when they have gone too far. Why? Because I follow through with what I say I am going to do. I don't tell them that such and such a punishment will result if they continue their behavior unless I actually mean to follow through with that punishment.

All children test the limits of what they are able to get away with. I believe that it is our place, as parents, to set guidelines of expected behavior and help them to understand that they must deal with the consequences of failure to follow those guidelines.

Agreed! I never thought my parents were bluffing. That simply never crossed my mind (and if it ever did, I found out the hard way and blocked out the memory).

Whether it's spanking or some other form of punishment, either follow through on what you're using as a detterent or find new parents for your children. I'm amazed when parents seemed so at a loss for why they've lost control of their kids. It boils down to whether or not a child takes their parents seriously. Pretty basic stuff...

 

[vegascowboy]

Agreed! I never thought my parents were bluffing. That simply never crossed my mind (and if it ever did, I found out the hard way and blocked out the memory).

Whether it's spanking or some other form of punishment, either follow through on what you're using as a detterent or find new parents for your children. I'm amazed when parents seemed so at a loss for why they've lost control of their kids. It boils down to whether or not a child takes their parents seriously. Pretty basic stuff...

It's true. I do not think there is anything wrong with spanking children, if that is the method that works for them. I have done it. Do I regret the times that I did? Not at all. They were appropriate for the situation. Do I make a habit of spanking them? Not at all.

This is not directly related to spanking, but it is, I believe, related to discipline. There are people who come into our home and comment, "Wow! Your home is so clean...you have kids; how do you do it?? You are lucky to be blessed with clean and respectful children."

This has NEVER made sense to me. The same people who say this have children of their own, and their homes are a mess...largely from the behavior of their children. Why? Are our children really better than other people's children? Or is it a fact that we discipline our children in a respectful yet firm manner?

People may not be rich and they may not be able to buy expensive things, but busy or not, there isn't an excuse (to my way of thinking) for not taking care of the things that they have. I love my children very much, but they have learned (and continue to learn) what it means to be grateful for and respectful of the things that we have.

Are they perfect? Far from it.

 

[Sherman]

No it is not wrong to spank kids. Dr. Spock and his no spanking policy is one of the worst things that happened to this country. Now we have a nation of spoiled brats that have no respect for other people's property or for authority.

I was paddled as a kid when I did wrong. I was not emotionally damaged by it. There is nothing like the threat of a paddling to keep kids in line. Boy, I toed the line when I was a kid. I am now thankful for that. It saved me a lot of heartache when growing up. I didn't get into things that were self destructive. I watched my friends who were not disciplined grow up and get into trouble. At the time I envied them, but now I don't.

Spanking may sound harsh, but in the long run it saves a child from getting into things that are really hurtful.

By spanking I mean swatting with a hand and leaving no injury to the child. Just wounding their ego.

 

[aSeattleConserv]

The TheologyOnline.com TOPIC OF THE DAY for December 2nd, 2010 11:56 AM

toldailytopic: Is it wrong to spank your children when they misbehave?

Take the topic above and run with it! Slice it, dice it, give us your general thoughts about it. Everyday there will be a new TOL Topic of the Day.
If you want to make suggestions for the Topic of the Day send a Tweet to @toldailytopic or @theologyonline or send it to us via Facebook.

"The Lord established three fundamental institutions for the governance of men: family, the Church, and civil government. While these three institutions are separate spheres of authority under God, they clearly have mutually supportive, interwoven functions. The performance — or lack of performance — of each inescapably influences the functioning of the other two."
http://reformed-theology.org/html/issue08/civil_government.htm

If God ordained the civil magistrate to govern men (by using just and reasonable force if necessary), why not parents as well?

 

[Nydhogg]

Men are not to be governed AT ALL. Government is an aberration.


Men are to be fought and killed when they prey on others, and left alone when they don't.

 

[Cracked]

No.

However, I don't think that spanking is a universal necessity for disciplining children.

I spank my children, but it is not my first resort for punishment.

 

[ghost]

Men are not to be governed AT ALL. Government is an aberration.


Men are to be fought and killed when they prey on others, and left alone when they don't.

So as long as your kids are not killing each other, you'll let them do anything they want?

 

[Nick M]

Your kids will misbehave. It WILL happen as sure as death and taxes.

I was thinking to myself cliche' like "God only knows that is true", then I though, oh wait...

Proverbs 22:15

Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of correction will drive it far from him.